The Insanity Is Forever
by TheFemalePharaoh
Summary: I have taken my previously written stories and combined all my oneshots into this motherlode of wackiness! Please Read and Review! Same stories plus different stories equal side splitting, eye watering, zaniness! Any suggestions are welcomed as always!
1. Special High Intensity Training

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter One: _Special High Intensity Training_

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

Seto Kaiba, CEO of Kaiba Corp., was walking around each floor and in each department of his corporate building, conducting his customary random inspection. He was running a tight ship and he wanted to see to it that it was running smoothly.

HE was about to enter the employee break room when he heard giggles from his female employees and sniggering from their male counterparts. He entered the break room and the hilarity immediately was hushed.

"Konnichiwa, Kaiba-sama" they all chorused and bowed.

"Care to explain why you stopped all of a sudden?" asked Kaiba coolly.

"We were just having fun, Kaiba-sama. Nothing to worry about. This is our break, after all" one of the employees dared to say.

"Very well. May I inquire as to what got you all so tickled?" asked Kaiba.

"Just a little mindless, inside humor amongst us working brethren. You wouldn't understand, Kaiba-sama" replied the employee.

"Just keep it down. Have a good day" Kaiba said coldly/

"Sayonoara, Kaiba-sama" they employees bowed as he left.

Once Kaiba rounded the corner and was out of hearing range, the employees burst out laughing again.

"Man, that was a close one." whispered one female employee.

"You said it, Sakura" replied her coworker, Nikki. "If he would have seen that paper in circulation, we would be fired for sure!"

* * *

Mokuba was visiting his big brother at wok when he happened to possess the infamous paper that was circulating around KC. He read it and smirked.

"This is my best work yet. I wonder have big brother seen this yet." Mokuba laughed to himself.

Kaiba was visiting his brother when there was a knock on his office door.

"Enter" Kaiba said sternly.

His assistant, Mr. Ichiro, was walking to Kaiba's desk with the mail for the day. Mokuba could tell that his little "flyer" was among them because Mr. Ichiro was trying to keep a straight face, but failing miserably.

"Ichiro, is there something funny that I need to know about?" asked Kaiba.

"N-n-no, Kaiba-sama…well, here is your mail. BYE!" Mr, Ichiro ran out of the office. Literally.

"I gotta go to school, Seto, See ya at home!" Mokuba ran out the door before Kaiba could stop him.

* * *

Kaiba shook his head and read through the mail.

Bills.

Invoices.

Petitions to have him banned from the Kame Game Shop (Joey's creation)

Pages of friendship rants (Tea's Idea)

Hate Mail.

Death Threats

Suddenly, he saw a flyer. He frowned at first. He decided to be curious and read the flyer as follows:

* * *

**SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

* * *

****_"In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity form our employees, it is our policy to keep all KC employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTESITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.)"

* * *

_**

Kaiba stared wide-eyed at this. He growled slightly, but decided to read on.

* * *

**_"We here at KC are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you are not receiving your fair share of S.H.I.T. here at KC, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and they are especially skilled in seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle."_**

* * *

Kaiba was growling loudly and was staring daggers. 'I am thinking seriously about terminating whoever wrote this!!' He read on:

* * *

_**"Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.)"**_

* * *

Kaiba was seeing red and was muttering curses under his breath. He read on:

* * *

_**"Those employees who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTUTIDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.)"**_

* * *

Kaiba was now at the point of seeing blood. _'Forget thinking, I **will** fire whoever wrote this!'_ He read on:

* * *

_**"Since Seto Kaiba took S.H.I.T. before he became CEO, he really doesn't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, mainly because he is so full of S.H.I.T already."**_

* * *

Kaiba was mentally screaming streams of Egyptian curses he long forgotten. His eyes were bloodshot from rage. He decided to finish so he could find out the name of this person. After all, he didn't want the Yakuza to go to an innocent person's home.

* * *

**_"If you are full of S.H.I.T. like Seto Kaiba, you may be interested in job-training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.) If you have any questions, please direct them to Seto Kaiba, CEO, also known as both HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) and our BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)"_**

_Courtesy of Mokuba Kaiba (with the assistance of Yami, Bakura, Marik, Shadi, Joey, Tristan, and Duke)_

* * *

Needless to say, after Kaiba promised instant death to the ever-so-helpful "assistants" the minute he sets eyes on them, the younger Kaiba got a call at school on his cell that screamed, "MOKUBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU ARE SO GROUNDED!"

* * *

I borrowed that joke from Jib Jab . com; what do you guys think?

Please review!


	2. Prison or Kaiba Corp?

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Two: What is Worse...PRISON OR KAIBA CORP.?

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: T

Disclaimer: Do I even need to go there? Oh, well...NOT MINE!

* * *

Jou was bored one day and decided to visit his lover, Seto, a Kaiba Corp.

"I can't play with you now, Puppy. I have six meetings to go to." Seto said.

Jou whined, "Whyyyyyy?????'

Seto looked bored as he answered, "I have to, that's why."

Jou was not too pleased with this. "But...I need something to do until you come back."

Seto was about to tell him no, but got suckered by Jou's puppy-dog eye routine.

"OK, ok..sheesh. You can make a report for me to take to my last meeting. I have to meet with some union stewards."

Jou was all ears. "What kind of report?"

Seto explained as he was headed out, "A report of the difference between my company and another entity or company you choose. I woudl like them to see the comparison of the two and can you make it short and persuasive? I need them to think well about MY company. Got it? Good. I'm gone." Seto kissed Jou on the lips and departed.

"Have a great day, honey." Jou called out to him, but he was already headed to the first meeting.

* * *

Now, Jou was trying to figure out how to make the report Seto's proverbial "ace in the hole". He decided his brain needed a jolt. So he went to the vending machine and coffeemaker.

After being sugared up and wired on caffeine, Jou was bouncing off walls with ideas of sorts.

It took Jou two hours for his high to wear off. Although he had traces of the sugar and caffeine in his system, he was mentally clear enough to realize that he needed to get that report done and fast.

"Come on, Jou...think, damn it! Think, think, think...I GOT IT!" shouted Jou as he began scribbling, typing and copying.

* * *

Seto came back in after five meetings, and he needed coffee to deal with the last one,

"Jou? Did you get that report finished?" Seto asked.

"Yes! I am so done with it. Here it is. All ready to go. Go get 'em, Dragon!" cheered Jou as he handed Seto the papers.

Seto was amazed, but looked at Jou with wariness. "Are you okay, Jou?"

"I'm good, Seto. I just wanted you to do your best." Jou said, giving Seto a kiss.

Seto looked at his watch. "Damn! Gotta run. See you at home, Puppy." With that, Seto ran out the door.

Jou took the limo back th the Kaiba Estate. Once there, he went upstairs into their bedroom and fell fast asleep.

* * *

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Shall we begin?" Seto announced as he sat down at the head of the table.

Seto had his secretary pass out the papers that Jou had written. The union stewards were staring at the paper in shock and amusement as Seto, oblivious to this, was booting up his laptop.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with Kaiba Corp. We have always maintained a tight ship, but we also have a fair work ethic and a healthy environment."

"Like a prison, eh, Mr. Kaiba?", asked one of the union stewards, grinning.

Seto frowned in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you run KC like a prison?" asked the steward again, trying to keep from laughing.

"What are you implying?!" Seto was getting irritated.

"Well, according to this report, KC was beign compared to Domino Prison" the steward replied.

"Yes, and from what I was able to glean from this 'report', prison sounds more favorabe than KC. We need more clarification on this, Mr. Kaiba", a female steward replied, giggling.

Seto's right eye was twitching slightly as he pressed the intercom for his secretary.

"Tami?"

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba?"

"Do you have a copy of this report given to the union stewarts?"

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba. Would you like one?"

"Please, and now would be appropriate, thank you."

"Yes, sir."

Tami arrived with the report that Jou typed out and ran out of the room.Seto stared in horror as he read the following report:

* * *

**DOMINO PRISON vs. KAIBA CORP...WHICH ONE IS THE TRUE HELL?**

When you think about the differences between KC and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...

AT DOMINO PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell

AT KAIBA CORP... You spend the majority of your time in a 5x5 cubicle

AT DOMINO PRISON...You get three meals a day

AT KAIBA CORP...You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

AT DOMINO PRISON...You get time off for good behavior

AT KAIBA CORP...You get rewarded for good behavior with even more work

AT DOMINO PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you

AT KAIBA CORP...You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself

AT DOMINO PRISON...You can watch TV and play games

AT KAIBA CORP...You will get fired for watching TV and playing games

AT DOMINO PRISON...You get your very own toilet

AT KAIBA CORP...You have to share

AT DOMINO PRISON...You are allowed visits from your family and friends

AT KAIBA CORP...You cannot so much as breathe the names of your family and friends

AT DOMINO PRISON...All expenses are paid by takpayers with no work required

AT KAIBA CORP...You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

AT DOMINO PRSION...You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out

AT KAIBA CORP...You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

AT DOMINO PRISON...There is a sadistic bastard called a warden

AT KAIBA CORP...There is a sadistic bastard called Seto Kaiba

AT DOMINO PRISON...You have unlimited time to read your e-mail

AT KAIBA CORP...You will get fired if you get caught

* * *

As if THAT wasn't bad enough, the following typed statement made it far more embarrassing:

* * *

"HAVE A NICE DAY, SETO BABY!!!!! LOVE, JOU

PS: YOU'RE UKE TONIGHT I HOPE YOU LOVE GETTING SCREWED, JUST NOT IN THE SAME WAY YOU SCREWED YOU EMPLOYEES OUT OF THEIR BONUSES!

PS AGAIN: I PICKED UP YOUR VIAGRA PRESCRIPTION FROM THE PHARMACIST AS WELL AS CONDOMS, LUBE AND OTHER THINGS. SO, BRING YOUR SEXY ASS HOME...SO I CAN BANG IT!"

* * *

Every steward looked at Seto, who had his head in his hands. He then lifted up head to face the stewards, face deep red from utter embarrassment. He then stood up and snatched every paper from their hands.

"YOU NEVER SAW THIS SHIT, GOT IT?!"

"Y-y-yes, sir.!" The stewarts ran out in a hurry.

"TAMI! SHRED THIS SHIT AND RESCHEDULE THIS MEETING IN TWO WEEKS!"

"Yes, sir."

With that done, Seto grabbed the laptop and headed home.

* * *

"JOU! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!" Seto screamed as he entered the mansion.

'Seto, what's wrong?" asked a sleepy Mokuba.

"Sorry, kiddo. Go back to sleep. Good night" Seto said as he hugged his brother.

"Night, Nii-sama" said Mokuba as he went back to his room.

"Seto, what is yur problem?" asked Jou as Seto entered the bedroom.

"THIS!" Seto yelled as he threw that paper in Jou's direction.

"Did you even read what you wrote?!" asked Seto.

"Nah. I just gave it to you. I tried to come up with something that would get their attnetion, like you said" Jou said in defense.

"READ IT, JOU!" ordered Seto.

Jou's face turned pale in horror and then hot pink in total embarrassment as he read the damning evidence. "S-s-seto, I was doped up on caffeine and sugar. I thought I was sober enough to write. I guess I was dead wrong."

"Yes, you were! Did you have any idea how embarrassed I was when the union stewards read that, Jou? What do you have to say for yourself?!" demanded Seto.

Jou broke down and cried. "I am s-s-s-so so-so-sorry, honey. I r-r-r-really am! P-p-please don't put me out or b-b-b-break up with me!"

Seeing this pathetic sight, and always a sucker for Jou's tears, Seto calmed down and embraced Jou lovingly. "I would never do such a thing, Jou. Never. I love you too much, you silly Puppy." He then kissed Jou full on the lips.

After this, Jou quieted some. "Thanks. I will make this up to you. The question is...how?"

Seto showed Jou the paper he wrote. "How about 'letting me screw you like I do my employees out of their bonuses' as this report suggests?" Seto asked, voive filling with lust.

Jou laughed, more than willing to comply. "You're the CEO, Dragon. Who am I to disagree with my boss?"

Seto whispered, "Damn straight. Now, shall we being?"

Seto dimmed the lights.

The rest is history.

* * *

I borrowed this joke from Jib Jab . com once again!

What do you think?

R/R


	3. Never Give Bakura a Math Problem

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Three: NEVER Give Bakura a Math Problem

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

While in school, Bakura was getting bored in his hikari's Math class. He kept nodding off and Ryou kept poking him awake. He glared at Ryou for a minute, then decided to write some notes (not for class..for chaos!). The teacher, Mr. Tsunami, decided to have everyone make up their own math problems and solve them to test their own creativity with numbers and letters.

Everyone groaned and cursed. Mr. Tsunami said that it was either that or spend the day helping out in the nuring home. Needless to say, they chose the former.

* * *

Everyone was done and demonstrated their work on the chalkboard. Bakura was the last one. Ryou begged him 'not to screw this up'. Bakura went up to the chalkboard and demonstrated the rason he should never do that again:

"Good morning, classmates! How many times have you heard your teachers tell you 'Give it 100 percent?"

Everyone raised their hands.

"Okay. Let's talk about that, shall we?" Bakura stated.

Now, he had the entire class' attention.

"What makes 100 percent exactly? What does it mean to gove MORE than 100 percent? Can anyone actually give more than 100 percent? There are teachers and bosses out there that want you to give more than 100 percent. Is that possible? How about 103 percent? What makes up 100 percent in life? Well, here is MY take on this." Bakura proceeds to write on the chalkboard.

Even the teacher is interested in this now.

* * *

"Now here is a simple mathematical equation to help solve that"

Bakura begins to write:

A1

B2

C3

D4

E5

F6

G7

H8

I9

J10

K11

L12

M13

N14

O15

P16

Q17

R18

S19

T20

U21

V22

W23

X24

Y25

Z26

Bakura turned back to his classmates. "I have written the English Alphabet to aid in this."

Mr. Tsunami was annoyed. "Bakura, this is NOT English! What does this have to do with Math?"

Bakura seethed. "If you would shut up for once, then you shall see. You write out a word and add up the numbers next to them. Got it? Okay. Let me show you how it's done."

Bakura went back to the chalkboard.

"So take these two words: HARD WORK" Bakura wrote them like this:

H8  
A1  
R18  
D4  
W23  
O16  
R18  
K11

Total 98 percent

Bakura stated, "Now let's do this word: KNOWLEDGE" and he wrote it the same way:

K11

N14

O15

W23

L12

E5

D4

G7

E5

Total: 96 percent

"BUT" Bakura exclaimed. "If we take the word ATTITUDE..."

A1

T20

T20

I9

T20

U21

D4

E5

Total: 100 percent

"There is you 100 percent. It lies in your ATTITUDE!" Bakura states. "BUT...can you do over 100 percent? Yes, you can. I will demonstrate."

Bakura wrote down the following,,.uh, equation:

B2

U21

L12

L12

S19

H8

I9

T20

Total: 103 percent

The class was chuckling at Bakura's choices in wording and Ryou was horrofied when he wrote down the last one:

A1

S19

S19

K11

I9

S19

S19

I9

N14

G7

Total: 118 percent

The class erupted in shrieks of laughter. Mr, Tsunami was about to freaking faint. Ryou was ready to kill.

Bakura turned to a now back-to chuckling class, a pissed-of Ryou, and a semi-conscious Mr. Tsunami.

"So, class. as you can see here, one can conclude with mathematical caertainty that while 'Hard Work' and 'Knowledge' will get you close...and 'Attitude' will get you there...it is the 'Bullshit' and 'Ass kissing' that will put you over the top! This concludes my assingment!"

Mr. Tsunami was livid. "GO TO THE FREAKING OFFICE, BAKURA!"

* * *

Well how was that?

I borrowed this frim my good friend, Jib Jab!

R/R!


	4. You're F'ing Fired

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Four: You're F'ing Fired!

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: M

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN IT

* * *

Seto Kaiba finds the following memo on his desk:

* * *

TO: SETO KAIBA, CEO 

FROM: HUMAN RESOURCES

DATE: MARCH 13, 2007

RE: YOUR EXPREME USE OF PROFANITY

_It was been brought to our attention that you have been using profanity during the course of normal conversation with your employees,_

_Due to complaints from some employees, who shall remain nameless, who are easily offended, this type of language should no longer be used or tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical imporance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with your employees._

_Therefore, please find below a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in am effective manner without the risk of offending your more sensitive employees:_

_TRY SAYING: "Perhaps I can have that in sometime today"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "When the fuck do you expect me to do this shit?!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I am certain that is not feasible"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "No fucking way in hell!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Really?" or "Is that so?"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "You have GOT to be shitting me!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Perhaps you should check with so-and-so."_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Tell someone who gives a shit or damn or fuck!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Of course I am concerned"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Ask me if I give a shit or damn or fuck!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I wasn't involved in this situation"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "It's not my damn/fucking problem!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Well, that is interesting"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "What the hell/fuck?!!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I am not sure I can implement this"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "To hell with/fuck it. It won't work!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I'll try to schedule that"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Why the hell/fuck didn't you tell me sooner?!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Are you sure this is a problem?"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Who the fuck cares?"**_

_TRY SAYING: "You are not familiar with this situation"_

_**INSTASD OF: "Get your head out of your ass!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I take it you are not happy with it?"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Kiss my ass!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I'm a bit overloaded at this time"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Fuck it/To hell with that!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I don't think you understand"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Shove it up your ass!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I love a challenge"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "You bastards suck at this!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Must I always repeat myself?"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Do you have a fucking hearing problem?!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I see"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Bite me!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "Yes, we should really discuss this"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "Oh great...another fucking meeting!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I don't think this will be a problem"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "I really don't give a damn/fuck/shit"**_

_TRY SAYING: "He is somewhat insensitive"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "What a fucking/damn prick!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "She is quite the aggressive go-getter"_

_**INSTEAD OF: "She's a ball-busting chicken-head!"**_

_TRY SAYING: "I think you could use more training"_

**_INSTEAD OF: "What in the fuck/hell are you doing?!"_**

_Sincerely, _

_The Human Resources Department at Kaiba Corp.

* * *

_

Here is Seto Kaiba's responding memorandum:

* * *

TO: HUMAN RESOURCES 

FROM: SETO KAIBA, CEO

DATE: MARCH 14, 2007

RE: YOUR LITTLE MEMORANDUM

**_"YOU INSOLENT DOUCHE-BAGS!"_**

**_"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!"_**

**_"YOUR ASSES ARE FIRED!"_**

**_"RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"_**

**_"GET YOUR SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT...NOW!"_**

**_Sincerely...NOT,_**

**_SETO KAIBA, CEO_**

* * *

This one is yet another joke I borrowed from jib jab . com! 

Whatcha think?

R/R please .


	5. Marik, The Rectum Stretcher

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Five: The Rectum Stretcher

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Rated: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

While he was "flying" down the street yesterday (15 miles over the speed limit), Marik passed over a bridge...only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side, lying in wait.

The cop pulled him over, walked up to the car, and (with that classic, patronizing smirk we all know and love) asked, "What's your hurry, young man?"

Marik replied, "I am late for my job, if you must know."

"Oh, really, now?" asked the cop. "and what is your occupation?"

Marik responded, "I am a certified rectum stretcher."

The cop was baffled. "A what? Rectum Steetcher? What exactly does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well, if you are really interested" said Marik. "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work form side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly, but surely stretch the rectum until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what in the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" asked the cop, completely interested.

"That is easy. _**You give him a uniform, badge, radar gun, ticket book and park him behind the Ra-damned bridge**_!" yelled Marik.

Traffic Ticket: $95.00

Court Costs: $45.00

The Look on the Cop's Face: PRICELESS!

Well, here is another one courtesy of Jib Jab . com!

Whatcha think, y'all?

Please Review!


	6. Sad Attempts At Making Greeting Cards

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Six: Sad Attempts at Making Greeting Cards

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: K+

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Yuugi, Yami, Ryou, Bakura, Seto, Seth, Malik, Marik, and even Solomon decided to make greeting cards to send out. The follwing are their finished products as well as the reason some of them should never be allowed to do this again:

**_Card #1) A Sympathy Card Marik Made For Ishizu_**

_**My Tire Was Thumping...**_

_**I Thought It Was A Flat...**_

_**When I Looked At The Tire,**_

_**I Noticed Your Cat,**_

_**Oops!

* * *

**_

**_Card #2) A Sympathy Card Solomon Made For Pegasus:_**

_**Heard your wife left you**_

_**How Upset You Must Be**_

_**But You Needn't Fret**_

_**She's Sleeping With Me!

* * *

**_

**_Card #3) A "Romantic" Card Malik Made For Marik:_**

**_Looking Back Over The Years_**

**_That We've Been Together_**

**_I Can't Help But Wonder..._**

**_"WHAT THE HELL I WAS THINKING?!"

* * *

_**

**_Card #4) A Congratulations Card Yuugi Made For Sigfreid and Pegasus' Wedding:_**

_**"Congratulations on your Wedding, Sigfried...Too bad your husband's a deluded asshole!"

* * *

**_

**_Card #5) A Love Card Ryou Made For Bakura:_**

I**_ always wanted to have_**

**_Someone to hold_**

**_Someone to love_**

**_After having met you..._**

**_I've changed my mind!

* * *

_**

**_Card #6) A Love Card Seth Made For Seto:_**

**_I must admit, you brougth religion into my life_**

**_I never believed in Hell and Eternal damnation until I met you!

* * *

_**

**_Card #7) A Card Yami Made For Tea:_**

_**When we were together,**_

_**You had always said you would die for me**_

_**Now, that we have broken up...**_

_**I feel that it is time you kept your promise!

* * *

**_

**_Card #8) A New Baby Card Bakura Made for Joey & Mai:_**

**_Congradulations on your new bundle of joy..._**

**_Does Joey know he's not the father...oops!

* * *

_**

**_Card #9) Birthday Card Seto Made For Joey:_**

**_My lover and I wanted to do_**

**_Something special for your birthday..._**

**_We're thinking about having you put to sleep

* * *

_**

**_Card #10) A Consolation Card Marik Made for Tristan:_**

**_So what your boyfriend, Duke, is a hooker_**

**_And it spoiled your day_**

**_Look at the bright side:_**

**_It's really good pay!

* * *

_**

Coutesy of Jib Jab Again!

Comments?

Review, please!


	7. The Ultimate Blackmail

TItle: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Seven: The Ultimate Blackmail

Authoress: TheFemale Pharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Seto Kaiba, famed CEO of Kaiba Corp., decided to go to the National Bank of Domino to conduct his business transaction. Seeing that he had to babysitter, he ad no choice but to take Mokuba with him. (In this fic, he was seven at that time!) 

While in line at the bank, Little Mokie decided to vent some pent-up energy and ran amok. Seto was finally able to get hold of Mokuba after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other bank customers.

**"MOKUBA KAIBA! DAMN IT! IF YOU DO NOT START BEHAVING RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL BE SO GROUNDED! ARE WE CLEAR ON THAT?!"** Seto yelled.

To which Mokuba responded in like manner:

**"SETO KAIBA! DAMN IT! IF YOU DO NOT LET GO OF ME RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL BE SO EMBARRASSED WHEN I SHOW THE MEDIA PICTURES OF YOU SUCKING ON YAMI'S WEE-WEE LAST NIGHT! ARE WE CLEAR ON THAT?!"**

The bank was quiet as the grave at that moment.

The bank patrons stared at Seto in shock and amusement.

The bank tellers had to stop what they were doing upon hearing this.

Even the security guards were trying to keep from chuckling.

With the last few molecules of his dignity remaining, Seto quickly left the bank, with Mokuba in tow.

The last thing Seto heard when the doors were closed...were screams of laughter.

* * *

Another joke from Jib jab! 

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	8. Wacky Bumper Stickers

TItle: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Eight: Bumper Stickers Galore!

Authoress: TheFemale Pharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Bumber Stickers you would find on Yami's car:

-TAKE OUT SETO KAIBA TONIGHT (ONE BULLET WOUDL DO IT!)

-WHERE IN THE HELL IS EASY STREET?!

-IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?

* * *

Stickers you would find on Seto's car:

-I'M BUSY...YOU'RE UGLY...HAVE A NICE LIFE!

-TAKE OUT YAMI ATEMU TONIGHT (ONE BULLET SHOULD DO IT!)

-KEEP HONKING..I'M RELOADING!

-ARE YOU HAVING PHONE SEX OR DO YOU ALWAYS DRIVE LIKE THAT?!

* * *

Stickers you would find on Bakura and Marik's cars:

-I BRAKE FOR...OH SHIT, NO BRAKES!

-CAT...THE OTHER WHITE MEAT

-GUN CONTROL MEANS USING BOTH HANDS!

* * *

Courtesy of Jib Jab Again!

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	9. Asking For A Day Off

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Ten: Asking Seto Kaiba For A Day Off

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE

* * *

One day, one of Kaiba Corp.'s employees wrote in a request to have the day off for personal reasons: The following statement was Seto Kaiba's response:

* * *

Dear Mr. Tanaka:

So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you're asking for... There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes a day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work. We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!!!

If you didn't get that, then allow me to dumb it down...**_HELL NO!_**

Signed,

Seto Kaiba, CEO

* * *

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	10. Yami's Warnings

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Nine: Yami's Warning

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE

* * *

So, you wish to date Yuugi? Well, before you carry out your no-holds-barred campaign to win this cute bishounen, there are some ground rules set by His Majesty, The Pharaoh a/k/a Yami. You would do well to heed said rules...if you do not wish to go to the Shadow Realm:

**Rule I**

_**If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a  
package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.

* * *

**_

**Rule II**

**_You do not touch my Aibou in front of me. You may glance at him,  
so long as you do not peer at anything below his waist. If you cannot  
keep your eyes or hands off of my Aibou's body, I will personally remove them.

* * *

_**

**Rule III**

**_I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to  
wear theirs trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off  
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your  
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about  
this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with  
your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not  
object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come  
off during the course of your date with my Aibou, I will take my  
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

* * *

_**

**Rule IV**

**_I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without  
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me  
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

* * *

_**

**Rule V**

**_In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about  
sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The  
only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect  
to have my Aibou safely back at my house, and the only word I need from  
you on this subject is "early."

* * *

_**

**Rule VI**

**_I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to  
date other people. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my  
Aibou. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little one, you  
will continue to date no one but him until he is finished with you. If  
you make him cry, I will make you cry.

* * *

_**

**Rule VII**

**_As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my Aibou to appear,  
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh, and fidget. If you want to  
be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My Aibou is putting  
on his clothes and fixing his hair, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something  
useful, like changing the oil in my car or cleaning out my garage?

* * *

_**

**Rule VIII**

**_The following places are not appropriate for a date with my Aibou:  
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden  
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or pastors  
within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is  
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is  
warm enough to induce my Aibou to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff  
T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka  
zipped up to his throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are  
to be avoided; movies, which feature chain saws are okay. Church is okay.  
My house is even better.

* * *

_**

**Rule IX**

**_Do not lie to me. I may be 5,000 years old, but on issues relating to my Aibou, I am the  
all-knowing, merciless commander of your universe. If I ask you  
where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,  
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,  
and five acres behind the house.I also have the ability to damn you to the Shadow Realm. Do not trifle with me.

* * *

_**

**Rule X**

**_Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake  
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a  
in a warzone. When my Commando personality starts acting up, the voices  
in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to  
bring my Aibou home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit  
your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,  
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my Aibou home safely and  
early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The  
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

* * *

_**

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	11. NEVER Let Yami Drink EVER!

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Eleven: NEVER Let Yami Drink...EVER!

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: K

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**Yami staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking  
buddies, Marik, Seth and Bakura.**

**He took off his shoes to avoid waking his Hikari, Yuugi. **

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom,

**But misjudged the bottom step.**

**As he caught himself by grabbing the banister,**

**His body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.**

**A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing  
especially painful. **

Managing not to yell,

**Yami sprung up,**

**Pulled down his pants,**

**And looked in** the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.

**He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.**

**He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his  
way to bed.**

**In the morning, Yami woke up with searing pain in both his HEAD and  
BUTT...**

**...And Yuugi staring at him from across the room.**

**He said, "Yami, you were drunk last night weren't you?"**

**Yami said, "Why, no, Aibou; why would you say such a mean thing?"**

**"Well," Yuugi said, "it could be the open front door,**

**It could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs,**

**It could be the drops of blood trailing  
through the house,**

**It could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...**

**..._It's all those Band-Aids you stuck on the hall mirror."_

* * *

**

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	12. Malik's Anger Management Technique

**Title: The Insanity is Forever**

**Chapter Twelve: ANGER MANAGEMENT**

**Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

****When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to  
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, Instead, take  
it out on someone you _don't_ know. Observe:

* * *

Malik Ishtar was sitting at his desk at home when he remembered a phone call he'd forgottento make. He found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." **

Malik politely said, "This is Malik Ishtar. Could I please speak with Ryou Bakura?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in his ear, "Get the right freaking  
number!" and the phone was slammed down on him.

Malik couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When he tracked down  
Ryou's correct number to call him, Malik found that he had accidentally  
reversed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, he decided to call the ''wrong'' number again.

When the same guy answered t he phone, Malik yelled "You're an asshole!"  
and hung up. He wrote his number down with the word ''asshole'' next to  
it, and put it in the desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when he was paying bills or had a really bad  
day, Malik would call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered him up.

* * *

When Caller ID was introduced, Malik thought his therapeutic "asshole  
calling" would have to stop. 

So, Malik called the number and said, "Hi, this is Ichiro Tanaka from  
Japanese Bell Telephone. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

Malik quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

* * *

One day, Malik was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. 

Some guy in a black BMW cut him off and pulled into the spot he had  
patiently waited for. Malik hit the horn and yelled that he'd been waiting  
for that spot, but the idiot ignored him. Malik noticed a "For Sale" sign  
in his back window which included his phone number, so Malik wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (Malik had  
his number on speed dial), he thought that he'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

Malik said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" Malik asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Domino. It's a yellow house,  
and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" Malik asked

"My name is Pegasus J. Crawford," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Pegasus?"

"I''m home every evening after five."

"Listen, Pegasus, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Pegasus, you're an asshole!" Then Malik hung up, and added Pegasus' number to his  
speed dial.

* * *

Now, whenever Malik had a problem, he had two assholes to call. Then Malik came up  
with an idea. He called Asshole #1. 

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But Malik didn't han g up.)

"Are you still there?" he guy asked.

"Yeah," Malik said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," Malik said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Pegasus J. Crawford." Malik lied.

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Domino. A yellow house, with  
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Pegasus, and you had better start  
saying your prayers."

Malik said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

* * *

Then Malik called Asshole #2. "Hello?" Pegasus said. 

"Hello, asshole," Malik said.

Pegasus yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" Malik said.

"I'll kick your ass," Pegasus exclaimed.

Malik answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

* * *

Then Malik hung up and immediately called the police, saying that he was Seto Kaiba of Kaiba Corp. and that he was on his way over to 34 Mowbray Blvd in Domino to kill his gay lover. 

Then Malik called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray  
Blvd, Domino.

* * *

Malik quickly got into his car and headed over to Mowbray. Malik got there  
just in time to watch the two assholes beating the shit out of each other  
in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. 

Now Malik feel MUCH better.

* * *

**Lesson For The Day: DO NOT PISS OFF MALIK!

* * *

**

**Another one from Jib Jab . com**

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	13. Bakura Gets Banned From KMart

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Thirteen: Bakura Gets Banned From K-MART

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

One day, Ryou received the follwing letter in the mail:

* * *

FROM: Mr. Hikaru Takahashi, Store Manager

K-MART #87839

13928 Sakura Valley Lane

Domino City, Japan

TO: Mr. Ryou A. Bakura

287 Sennen Groves Drive, Apt, 1170-B

Domino City, Japan

Dear Mr, Bakura:

During the preceding six months, our security staff has been monitoring your boyfriend, Mr. Bakura Alfekia's, activities while in our store. The list below details his offenses, all of which have been verified by our survellience cameras and we have retained copies on tape.

We have been repeatedly given your boyfriend while he was in the store and he has subsequently ignored them. He replied to these warnings with rudeness and the response "while my boyfriend, Ryou, shops here, I will come as well". We are therefore forced to ban you as well as your boyfriend from this store.

The following list details your boyfriend;s activities in this store over the past six months:

JUNE 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and placed them in the shopping carts while the shoppers were not looking

JULY 2: He set off the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 15-second intervals

JULY 7: He made a trail of tomato juice leading to the ladies' restroom

JULY 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone "a pipe bomb was sighted in the Toy Depsrtment"; he was laughing maniacally as the employee ran off in a panic

AUGUST 4: He went to the Service Desk and asked to put M&M's on Layaway.

SEPTEMBER 14: He moved the "Caution-Wet Floor" sign to a carpeted area

SEPTEMBER 15: He set up a tent in the Camping Department as told shoppers "he'll invite them in of they'll bring booze and porn"

SEPTEMBER 23, If any staff offers him assistance, he'll cry as asks, "why can't you people just leave me alone?!"

OCTOBER 4: He looked right into a security camera; used it as a mirror; and picked his nose

NOVEMBER 10: He went into the Guns Department and asked the clerk if she knew where the antidepressants are

DECEMBER 3: He darted aroubd the store suspiciously while humming the "Mission Impossible" theme

DECEMBER 6: He was riding a 10-speed bicycle through the store yelling "Wacky-Doo!"

DECEMBER 18: He hid in the clothing rack and when people browse through yelled "Pick Me! No, MEEE!"

DECEMBER 21: When the announcement came over the intercom, he assumed the fetal position and screamed,

"NO! It's those voices again! My antipsychotic meds wore off again! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

DECEMBER 24: He went into the men's fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Sincerely,

Mr. Hikaru Takahashi

Store Manager

* * *

Ryou read the letter over three times,

"BAKURAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" roared Ryou. He then called 911...the police for himself and the paramedics for his son-to-be-severely-injured boyfriend!

* * *

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	14. Storytime Yami Style

Title: The Inssanity Is Forever

Chapter Fourteen: Storytime, Yami Style

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Yuugi usually volunteered to read to the children in Kaiba Corp. Employee Daycare Center. However, Yuugi came down with a terrible cold. He couldn't get out of bed, but he didn't want to disappoint the little ones. He asked Yami to go in his place. At first, Yami refused, but when Yuugi promised him a special night when he gets better, Yami couldn't get out the door fast enough.

* * *

"THANK YOU. YAMI!" yelled Mokuba when he saw Yami come into the daycare center.

"No problem, Mokuba" said Yami as he settled in.

"YAY! STORY TIME" yelled the kids.

"I will be watching you, Yami, so do not screw this up!" said Seto coldly as he settled in with his brother.

"Whatever, Kaiba" muttered Yami.

Yami decided that the stuffed-shirt Kaiba needed to be embarrassed, so he decided to make up his own story.

"Ready, kiddies?" asked Yami. The kids screamed in excitement.

"I will tell you the story about _'The Human Organs of Kaiba Corp_.'"

The kids were interested; Mokuba was confused, as was Seto.

"Uh, Yami? It's not X-rated, is it?" asked Mokuba worriedly.

"Nope. Perfectly safe" said Yami with a smirk.

"I'm warning you, Yami" Seto threatened.

"Yeah, yeah" said Yami.

* * *

He begsn his story:

"Once upon a time, inside a body called Kaiba Corp, the organs were having a meeting to determine who should be the CEO. CEO stand for Chief Executive Organ. You know, the one in charge, the boss, the big cheese..."

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled Seto.

"Anyway, different organs spoke up.

"The brain said, 'I should be the CEO because I run all the body's systems. Without me nothing would happen.'

"The blood said 'I should be the CEO because I carry oxygen all over. Without me, you all would waste away'

"The stomach said, 'I should be the CEO because I process food to give you all energy.'

"The legs said, 'We should be CEO because carry the body to wherever it needs to go.'

"The eyes said, "We shoudl be the CEO because we allow the body to see where it goes."

"But the rectum spoke up and said,'I feel I need to be the CEO because I am responsible for waste removal.'

"All the other body parts of Kaiba Corp. laughed at the rectum and insulted him. So, in a huff, the rectum shut down tight."

* * *

Now the kids were asking, "WHAT HAPPENED THEN, MR. YAMI?!"

Mokuba was also asking that, Seto was interested in what Yami would say.

* * *

Yami stated, "Within a few days, the brain suffered a bad headache; the stomach was bloated; the legas were wobbly; they eyes got all watery; and the blood was toxic. It was then that the other organs of Kaiba Corp. decided that the rectum would be the CEO."

Yami looked around and asked, "Do you know the moral of this story?" Everyone shook their heads.

"Well" Yami stated, "The moral of this story is: **_The asshole is usually in charge_**, which would explain how Seto Kaiba came into power here at Kaiba Corp. THE END!"

* * *

The kids were gasping at Yami's profanity. Mokuba was giggling his butt off. Seto was seeing blood-Yami's.

"YAMI! YOU BASTARD! I'M KICKING YOUR ASS!" bellowed Seto as he proceeded to choke Yami until someone called the cops.

* * *

Another one form Jib Jab!

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	15. KC Employee Evaluations

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Fifteen: Seto Kaiba's Employee Evaluation Comments

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Kaiba Corp. employee performance evaluations as written by the Asshole Aristocrat, Seto Kaiba himself:

* * *

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's the cause."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime.I'll be the only one coming back, though"

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for euthanasia."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One French Fry short of a Happy Meal."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

* * *

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	16. Kaiba Corp's New Employee Handbook

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Sixteen: Kaiba Corp's New Employee Handbook

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Welcome to Kaiba Corp. As you familiarize yourself with our technology, please also do the same to the following rules:

* * *

**NEW EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK**

**_DRESS CODE_**

**  
_It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If  
we see you wearing $350 Air Force One sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag,  
we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a  
raise._**

_**If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so  
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.**_

_**If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and  
therefore you do not need a raise.

* * *

**_

**SICK DAYS**

  
_**We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If  
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.****

* * *

** _

**SURGERY**

**_Operations are now banned. As long as you a Kaiba Corp. employee, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. To have something removed, added or changed constitutes a breach of employment.

* * *

_**

**PERSONAL DAYS**

  
**_Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called  
Saturday & Sunday.

* * *

_**

**VACATION**

**_All employees will take their vacation at the same time eahc year. The vacation days are New Year's Day, Fourth of July, and Christmas.

* * *

_**

**BEREAVEMENT LEAVE**

**_This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead  
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have  
non- employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee  
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late  
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour  
and subsequently leave one hour early. You attend the wake on YOUR day off. Dead bodies should keep that long.

* * *

_**

**OUT FORM YOUR OWN DEATH**

**_This will be acceptable as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks' notice, as it is your responsibility to train your won replacement.

* * *

_**

**RESTROOM USE**

**_Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a  
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm  
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open  
and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture  
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic  
Offenders" category. Chronic Offenders will be fired and billed for the water they use to eliminate their waste.

* * *

_**

**LUNCH BREAK**

**_Petite-sized employees get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that  
they can look healthy. Average-sized employees get 15 minutes for lunch to  
get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Large-sized employees get 5  
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim  
Fast. __

* * *

_ **

CONCLUSION

**_Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a  
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,  
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,  
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation,  
and input should be directed elsewhere...like up your asses!_**

**_Have a nice week!_**

**_SETO KAIBA, CEO

* * *

_**

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	17. The Things They Would Say

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Seventeen: Things You Would Love To Hear The YGO Cast Say!

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

1. Seto to Yami, Yuugi or Grandpa: "**_I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."_**

2. Joey to Seto: "**_I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."_**

3. Seto to Mokuba when asked about getting an allowance increase: "**_How about never? Is never good for you?"_**

4.Seto to Joey before dueling: **_"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."_**

5. Yami to Seto after Winning: **_"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."_**

6. Seto to Tristan: **_"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."_**

7. Marik on the answering machine: "**_I'm out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message."_**

8. Ishizu to the general public: **_"I don't work here. I'm a consultant."_**

9. Seto to Tea about friendship rants: **_"It sounds like Japanese, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying."_**

10. Seto to Joey at school: **_"Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."_**

11. Seth to Seto: "**_I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."_**

12. Mokuba to Pegasus: **_"You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."_**

13. : Ishizu to Seto at the Museum: "**_I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn."_**

14. Everone to Tea about friendship rants: **_"We're already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."_**

15. Yami to Bakura: "**_I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."_**

16. Seto to Dartz: **_"Thank you. We're all refreshed & challenged by your unique point of view."_**

17. Joey to Rebecca: **_"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're a great duelist."_**

18. Seto to Yuugi: **_"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."_**

19. Seto to himself: **_'What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?'_**

20. Seto to Yami: **_"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."_**

21. Yami to Yuugi: **_"Being Pharaoh was a thankless job, but I had a lot of Karma to burn off."_**

22. Marik to Malik: **_"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."_**

23. Mai to Tea: **_"And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"_**

24 Gozuboro to Noah: **_"Do I look like a people person?"_**

25. Seto to Mokuba:_** "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."**_

26. Seto to Yuugi: **_"That is funny-you started out with nothing &still have most of it left."_**

27. Bakura to Ryou: **_"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."_**

28. Duke to Joey: **_"If I throw a stick, will you leave?"_**

29. Seto to Media: **_"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."_**

30. Seto to Yami and Yuugi: _**"Whatever kind of look you guys were going for, you missed."**_

31. Joey to Seto: **_"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."_**

32. One of Kaiba's Employees to Media: **_"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."_**

33. Seto to Media: **_"Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"_**

34. Mai to Serenity: **_"Too many freaks, not enough circuses."_**

35. Duke to Tea: **_"Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"_**

36. Marik and Bakura to the Police: **_"Chaos, panic, & disorder-our work here is done."_**

37. Joey to Whoever: **_"How do I set a laser printer to stun?"_**

38. Seto to Forbes: **_"I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary."_**

39. Joey to Mai: **_"Damn, Mai! Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"_**

40. Tristan to Seto: **_"Oh I get it... like humor... but different."

* * *

_**

This is yet another slapstick from Job Jab . com!

Please Review!

Thanks!


	18. Seto Plus Drinking Equals Dignity Loss

**Title: The Insanity Is Forever**

**Chapter Eighteen: Seto Plus Drinking Equals Dignity Loss**

**Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SETO PLUS DRINKING EQUALS DIGNITY LOSS**

**One night Seto decided to go to the office party held at Kaiba Corp for its employees.**

He told Mokuba, "i'll that he would be home by midnight. I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, Seto headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the grandfather clock in the hall started up and rang 3 times. Quickly, realizing Mokuba would probably wake up, Seto "rang" another 9 times. (In other words, he imitated the grandfather clock.)

Seto was really proud of himself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with Mokuba. (Even when he was totally smashed...3 bells + 9 bells equals 12 bells...MIDNIGHT!)

* * *

The next morning Mokuba asked, "Hey, Seto...what time did you get home last night?"

****

Seto told him "Midnight"

Mokuba didn't seem suspicious at all.

**"_Whew! Got away with that one!" _Seto thought.**

Then Mokuba said, "Seto, we need a new grandfather clock."

**Seto asked, What makes you say that, Mokie?"**

**Mokuba said, "Let me show you, nii-sama"

* * *

**

**Mokuba played the video that he got from the video camera that he set up in the living room that Mokuba "forgot" to turn off and put away.**

**Seto stared in complete horror and embarrassment as he looked at the footage.**

**"Well, last night our clock rang three times, then said, "Oh shit!" It rang 4 more times then cleared it's throat. It rang another 3 times then it giggled. Finally, it rang two more times, and then it tripped over the coffee table and farted." Mokuba said, while laughing his head off. **

**"Wait till I show Yuugi-tachi!" Mokuba said, smiling.**

**"MOKUBA! YOU SHOW ANYONE THAT TAPE AND I WILL GROUND YOU UNTIL YOU THE DAY I DIE!"

* * *

**

**Poor Seto! XD**

**Review please!**

* * *


	19. Teaching the yamis Etiquette

**Title: The Insanity Is Forever**

**Chapter Nineteen: Teaching The Yamis Etiquette**

**Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh **

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!****CHAPTER NINETEEN: tEACHING THE YAMIS ETIQUETTE**

* * *

**During a good manners and etiquette lesson, Solomon says to the yamis (Seth was not there), "If you were courting your hikaris, and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to him?"**

**Marik replies, "Hold up a sec, Malik. I gotta take a monster piss." **

**Solomon says, "That would be very rude and improper on your part."**

**Bakura replied, "Ryou, honey, I need to go drain the ol' lizard. I'll be back in a minute."**

**Solomon says, "That's somewhat better, but to mention the words, 'toilet, commode, pot, piss, urinate, drain the lizard, pay the water bill, etc' during a meal, is very unpleasant."**

**Yami says, "Yuugi, my dear hikari, please excuse me for just a moment, I have to go shake hands with a very personal friend of mine. After dinner, I can arrange for a private introduction, if you catch my drift."**

**Poor Solomon passed out.

* * *

**

**Whatcha think?**

**Another Jib Jabber!**

**Review, please! **


	20. Mokuba's Book Report

**Title: The Insanity Is Forever**

**Chapter Twenty: The School Report**

**Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Mokuba: "SETO! I need your help with my homework. Please big brother!"**

Seto: "Sure, kiddo. Whatcha need help with?"

**Mokuba: "Seto, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what politics is."**

**Seto: "Well, lets take our home as an example. I can the breadwinner, so let's call me Capitalism. Joey is the Administator of money, so we'll call him the Government. We take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call your nanny, Sakura, the working class and your nephew, Seto, Jr., we can call the Future. Do you understand, Mokuba?"**

**Mokuba: "I'm not really sure, Seto. I'll have to think about it."**

**That night awakened by his nephew's crying, Mokuba went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriousily soiled his diaper, Mokuba went to his Seto and Joey's room and found Joey fast asleep. Mokuba went to the nanny's room, where Mokuba's knocking went totally unheeded by Seto and Sakura. Mokuba then returned to his room and went back to sleep.**

**The next morning Mokuba reported to his big brother, Seto.**

**Mokuba: "Seto, now I think I understand what Politics is."**

**Seto: "Great, Mokie! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"**

**Seto: "Well, big brother... while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."**

**Seto fainted!

* * *

**

**Out of the moths of babes, huh? XD**

**Please review!**


	21. Beautiful

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Twenty-One: Beautiful

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Rated: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

One day Mrs. Tsukino was teaching Yami, Bakura, Seth, Shadi, and Marik how to use words in a sentence. She chooses the word "beautiful" for them to use and they must say a sentence using that word twice in it. She called on Yami first.

* * *

Yami says "My hikari bought a beautiful nightshirt and he look beautiful in it."

"Very good, Yami" Mrs. Tsukino said. She then called on Bakura.

Bakura said, "My hikari saw a beautiful recipe for squash and he made a beautiful dinner last night."

"Very good, Bakura" Mrs. Tsukino said. She then called on Shadi.

Shadi said, "Ishizu was beautiful in her Egyptian nightgown last night, but was even more beautiful when she removed it."

"That was...uh, good, Shadi. A little too personal, but good." said Mrs. Tsukino. She called on Seth next.

Seth said, "Seto sang the most beautiful serande to me this morning in his most beautiful tenor voice."

"That was great, Seth" said Mrs. Tsukino. She noticies that her not-so-favorite student, Marik, is raising his hand.

She called on him and Marik said "My hikari said he was pregnant last night and I said : 'Oh, beautiful...just fucking beautiful!!'"

* * *

Well, here is another one courtesy of Jib Jab . com!

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Please Review!


	22. The Things Kids Would Say

TItle: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Things Kids Would Say

Authoress: TheFemale Pharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

A 6 year old Yami and a 4 year old Yuugi are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 6 year old Yami. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year oldYuugi nods his head in approval.

Little Yami continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, You say something with  
**hell** and you say something with **ass**."

Little Yuugi agrees with enthusiasm.

Grandpa walks into the kitchen and asks Little Yuugi what he wants for breakfast.

Little Yuugi replies, "Aw, hell, Grandpa, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK!

Little Yuugi flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.

Grandpa in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

Grandpa locks him in his room and shouts,"You can stay there until I let you out!"

He then comes back downstairs, looks at Little Yami and asks with a stern voice,  
"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," Little Yami blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

* * *

Another joke from Jib jab!

Whatcha Think?

Review please!


	23. The Case of The Pregnant Tea

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Three: Case of the Pregnant Tea

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT TEA**

Tea, about 8 months pregnant, got on a bus.

She noticed Bakura, sitting opposite of her, was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time Bakura's smile turned into a grin, so Tea moved again.

Bakura seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the tomb robber burst out laughing.

She complained to the driver and he had Bakura arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked Bakura what did he have to say for himself.

Bakura replied, "Well, your Honor, it was like this:

When Tea got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and  
I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick",

and I could hardly contain myself...

BUT..

your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,

"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident." I just lost it.

**CASE DISMISSED

* * *

Review? Pretty Please?**


	24. Yami's Explaination of HellAW HELL!

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Four: What is Hell...YAMI STYLE!

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

HELL EXPLAINED BY YAMI ATEMU

* * *

A question was given on a University of Domino chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student named Yami Atemu was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

**Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?**

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

Yami, however, wrote the following:

_**First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.**_

**_Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added._**

**_This gives two possibilities:_**

**_1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose_**

**_2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in  
Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over._**

**_So which is it?_**

**_If we accept the postulate given to me by Seto Kaiba during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with him last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Seto Kaiba kept shouting "Oh my God!"

* * *

Needless to say, Yami got an A+, much to the professors' amusement and Seto Kaiba's horror!

* * *

GO, YAMI...SCORE!_**

POOR, POOR SETO!

Review, please. .


	25. Kaiba's Ass

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Five: Kaiba's, uh, ass?

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

******KAIBA'S ASS**

******  
**Mokuba Kaiba wanted to raise money for a local charity, The Seto Kaiba Deuling Fund (-.-) and on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it  
in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so  
high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He told everyone that the donkey is for his big brother, Seto.

Mokuba decided to go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day, the local newspaper carried this headline:

**_SETO KAIBA'S ASS SHOWS_**

Mokuba was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in  
the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read:

**_SETO KAIBA'S ASS OUT FRONT_**

However, Seto Kaiba was so upset with this kind of publicity that he  
ordered Mokuba not to enter the donkey in another race. The next  
day, the local paper headline read:

**_SETO KAIBA SCRATCHES OWN ASS_**

This was too much for the young CEO, so he ordered Mokuba to get  
rid of the donkey. Mokuba decided to give it to Seto.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

**_SETO KAIBA HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN_**

Seto felt nauseated. He informed Mokuba that he would get rid of the donkey, so he sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day, the paper read:

**_SETO KAIBA SELLS HIS OWN ASS FOR $10_**

This was too much for Seto, so he bought back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

Headlines read:

**_SETO KAIBA ANNOUNCES HIS ASS IS WILD AND FREE_**

Seto changed his name the next day.

* * *

Jib Jab again!

Please review!


	26. Last Child Support Check

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Six: Last Child Support Check

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rated: K

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Today, Seto Kaiba's daughter, Akime, turned 18 years old. Seto was so glad that this was to be his last child support payment!

_"Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments! I am so glad that this is my last!"_ thought Seto.

He calls his daughter, Akime, to comes to his house, and when she get there, Seto told her, "Akime, I want you to take this check over to your mother's house and tell her _'this will be the last check she will EVER be get from me'_, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression on her face."

So, Akime take the check over to her mother. Seto was anxious to hear what she would say, and about the 'expression' on the mother's face.

Akime walk through the door of Seto's mansion. Seto said, "Now, what did your mother say about that?"

Akime said, "_She said to tell you that you're not my daddy and watch the 'expression' on **your** face_!

* * *

Another Jib Jab Masterpiece!

Review, please!


	27. Poor Bakura

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Poor Bakura

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN IT!

* * *

Ryou and Malik had two bad-ass boyfriends, Bakura and Marik, They were always getting into trouble, and Ryou and Malik knew that if any mischief occurred in their town of Domino City, Japan, Bakura and Marik would get the blame.

Yami and Yuugi told Ryou and Malik they heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining out-of-control yamis, so Ryou and Malik asked if he would speak with their boyfreinds. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, Ryou sent Bakura first, in the morning, and Malik will send Marik to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat Bakura down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

Bakura's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the tomb robber made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in Bakura's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

Bakura screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When Marik found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

Bakura, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

* * *

I know it is a little out of character, but hey. Please just go with it, ok?

So sorry that I haven't written funny stuff as of late. I have been going through a blue period. I am bout out of it now, I think.

Please read the story "I Will Wait For You", then "The Waiting Is Over". I am not done with the second one yet, but I should finish it sometime this week, I hope!

As always, please R/R! Thanks!


	28. Officer Yami Atemu!

**Title: The Insanity is Forever**

**Authoress: TheFemalPharaoh**

**Chpater Twenty-Eight: Officer Yami Atemu?!**

**These Police Comments were taken off Officer Yami Atemu's police car video:**

"You know, stop lights don't come any redder  
that the one you just went through."

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because  
they're new. They'll stretch after  
you wear them a while."

"If you take your hands off the car,  
I'll make your birth certificate  
a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per  
second? Because that's the speed  
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

"You don't know how fast you were going?  
I guess that means I can write anything  
I want to on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,  
but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention  
that I'm the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K.,  
I'm warning you not to do that again  
or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will  
determine whether you are drunk or not.  
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair  
is a place where you go to ride on rides,  
eat cotton candy and corn dogs  
and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets  
and my Hikari gets a toaster oven."

"In God or Ra we trust, all others  
we run a check on."

"How big were those 'Just two beers'  
you say you had?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  
We used to, but now we're allowed to  
write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear that Seto Kaiba is a  
personal friend of yours. So you know  
someone who can post your bail."

**AND THE  
WINNER IS...**

"You didn't think I give pretty  
women tickets? You're right,  
I don't. Sign here."

* * *

Please review! 


	29. NEVER Let The Yamis Do a School Project

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Chapter Twenty-Nine: NEVER Give The Yamis A School Project PERIOD!

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

The teacher of Domino City College of Vocational Training, Miss Kumazawa, decided to give the new students, Yami, Bakura, Marik, Seth, Shadi, and Shimon, a school project, due in three days.

When everyone gathered, Miss Kumazawa, who understood the yamis being new to this day and age, told the uncertain dark halves the purpose of the project was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

Everyone went to the library to koon up this 'Viagra' the teacher spoke of. When they read what it was and what is does, they were shocked...then turned red, deeply so.

"WOW!" said Yami. recovering. "I must secure some of this Viagra for Yuugi and I."

"As must I" said a hyped-up Bakura. "Ryou wouls be so happy!"

"Not as happy as Malik would be when I use it!" said a maniacal Marik.

"Ishizu wouls be mot pleased for days with this. I shall be sure to get some" said a lusting Shadi.

"We may be old, but damn! Solomon and I would rediscover our passionate youth!" excalimed Shimon.

"YES! Something that will give me another reason to pound my Blue Eyes into the mattress...not that he's complaining about that" said an excited Seth.

"LEt's go get some. The report is due in three days" said Yami, getting ready to go.

"WAIT! We have to have a doctor's prescription for that do we not?" asked Shimon.

"Damn, what a hard-on deflater. Thanks a lot, old man" growled Yami.

"WAIT A MINUTE! WE CAN GET THE PRESCRIPTION...NO PROBLEM!" said Marik, smirking.

"How is that. you psycho?" asked Seth.

"FUCK YOU, PRIEST!" yelled Marik.

"Sorry, that position has already been filled by Seto Kaiba." said a grinning Seth.

"Heh. Like I would want anyone but my Hikari-pretty!" said Marik. "I can use the Sennen Rod, remember?"

Everyone's faces lit up instantly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! LET'S GO!" shouted Shimon. Everyone sweatdropped.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING

* * *

**_At Yami and Yuugi's house:_**

"Yami, you were amazing" panted a sated Yuugi, lying on Yami's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"So were you, love" Yami whispered as he kissed Yuugi gently.

**_At Ryou and Bakura's house:_**

"Satisfied, my angel?" asked a tired Bakura, wrapping his arms around Ryou, kissing his neck.

"That's an understatement, my king of thieves. You were wonderful...so wonderful/" said a sleepy Ryou, closing his eyes.

**_At the Kame Game Shop/Solomon and Shimon's house:_**

"Do I still got it, love?" asked an exhausted Shimon, eyes glazed.

"You most certainly do, love, and I was glad I _**'got it'**_", replied Solomon before he dozed off in contentment.

**_At Ishizu and Shadi's house:_**

"S-s-shadi...that was nothing short of miraculous, so spellbinding. What has possessed you so?" gasped a spent Ishizu, suggling in Shadi's arms.

"My love for you, my queen" said an eqially spent Shadi, drifting off to sleep himself.

**_At the Kaiba mansion:_**

"Seth. What in the name of Ra has gotten into you?" asked a wimpering Seto, still going though the aftershocks of lovemaking.

"Were you satisfied, my Blue-Eyes?" asked a sated Seth. \

"OH HELL YES!" screamed Seto.

"Well, that satisfies me...as well as that sexy body of yours" whispered Seth, slipping off into Dreamland. Seto soon followed.

* * *

Three days later, the yamis turned in their suggestions and created a  
Top Ten List. With all the laughter from the class and hikaris, and camaraderie amonst the yamis themselves, the project went exceedingly well.

The top ten were:

10. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper! (Bakura)  
9. Viagra, The dicker picker-upper.(Seth)  
8. Viagra, Like a rock! (Shimon)  
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. (Yami)  
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. (Marik)  
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. (Shadi)  
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. (Shadi)  
3. Viagra, home of the whopper! (Seth)  
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! (Bakura)

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs. (Yami)

* * *

Jib Jab again, as always!

Whatcha Think?

Review please!


	30. The Prayer of Seto Kaiba

Title; The Insanity is Forever

Chapter Thirty: The Prayer of Seto Kaiba

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Seto Kaiba, who finally has some free time from his schedule, decided to pray this, uh, prayer...

_**"Dear God, Virgin Mary, Ra, Mahammad, Anubis, Zen, Buddha, Zeus, or whoever is listening:**_

_**Grant me the serenity to accept teh fact that I can never beat that Ra-damned Pharaoh, Yami...**_

_**The Courage to change the things I cannot accept...like that stupid heart of the cards crap**_

_**And the wisdom to properly dispose of the bodies of those I had to kill toady or will kill today bcause they pissed me off!**_

_**Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today because they may be connected to the asses I may have to kiss tomorrow.**_

_**Help me to always give 100 percent at work and at school: Let's see now...that would mean that I can give 12 percent on Mondays...23 percent of Tuesdays...40 percent on Wednesdays...20 percent on Thrursdays and 5 percent on Fridays. **_

_**As I close this prayer, I ask you to help me remember when I am having a really crappy day at either school, work or both, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 43 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to fuck off...**_

_**...AMEN."

* * *

**_

Jib Jab at work here!

What say you, folks?

Review, please? Thanks!


	31. Beer Troubleshooting 101

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Genre: Humor

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Chapter Thirty-Two: Beer Troubleshooting

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

As part of their sentences for:

-One count of DUI (Yami),

-Three counts of DWI (Marik),

-Two counts of Intoxication Assault (Seth), and

-Seven counts of Intoxication Manslaughter (Bakura)...

...these yamis had to 'educate the general public about the effects of alcohol'. They agreed...somewhat.

* * *

After six days of drunken brainstorming, they came up with the following, uh...just read on:

* * *

**BEER TROUBLESHOOTING 101**

Taught By:

-Doctor Yami "Pharaoh" Atemu

-Doctor Bakura "Tomb Robber" Alfekia

-Doctor Marik "Psycho Tomb Keeper" Ishtar

- Doctor Seth "High Priest" (uh, Kaiba, I guess).

* * *

**"Please read the following. If any applies to you, apply suggested treatment:**

****

**_Symptom: Your feet are cold and wet_**

**_Diagnosis: Your beer glass is being held at an improper angle_**

**_Treatment: Rotate your glass so that the open end points toward the ceiling

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your feet are warm and wet_**

**_Diagnosis: Improper bladder control (in other words, you pissed all over yourself)_**

**_Treatment: Stand by a nearby dog or cat and complain about house training

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your beer is unusually pale and tasteless_**

**_Diagnosis: Your beer glass is empty_**

**_Treatment: Get someone to buy you another beer

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in flourescent lights_**

**_Disgnosis: You have fallen over backwards_**

**_Treatment: Have yourself tied to the bar

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your mouth contains cigarette butts_**

**_Disgnosis: You have fallen over...this time forwards_**

**_Treatment: Have yourself tied to the bar

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your beer is tasteless and the front of your shirt is wet_**

**_Diagnosis: Either your mouth is not opened or the glass was applied to the wrong side of your face_**

**_Treatment: Retire to the restroom and practice in front of the mirror

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: The floor appears blurred_**

**_Disgnosis: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass_**

**_Treatmetn: Get someone to buy you another beer

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: The floor appears to be moving_**

**_Diagnosis: You are beign carried out_**

**_Treatment: Find out of you are being taken to another bar

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: The room seems unusually dark_**

**_Diagnosis: The bar has closed for the night_**

**_Treatment: Confirm your home address with your bartender

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: The taxi you're riding home in suddenly takes on colorful aspects and textures_**

**_Disgnosis: Your beer consumption has exceeded your personal limitations_**

**_Treatment: Cover mouth or let down the window and puke

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: People are lookin up at you and smiling_**

**_Diagnosis: You are dancing on the table_**

**_Treatment: Try to fall on someone cushy-looking

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your beer looks clear as crystal_**

**_Diagnosis: It's water. Someone is trying to sober you up._**

**_Treatment: Punch them

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Head and hands hurt, your nose is bloodied, and your mind is unusually clear_**

**_Disgnosis: You have been in a fight_**

**_Treatment: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was one of them

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: You don't recognize anyone and you don't recognise the room you're in_**

**_Disgnosis: You wondered into the wrong party_**

**_Treatment: See if they have free beer

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted_**

**_Disgnosis: Your beer is too weak_**

**_Treatment: Have more beer until your voice improves

* * *

_**

**_Symptom: You don't remember the words to the song_**

**_Disgnosis: The beer is just right for you_**

**_Treatment: Play your "air guitar"

* * *

_**

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	32. WHAT THE HELL!

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two: What the Hell?!**

* * *

Bakura told Ryou he'd found a cat. He asked him if it was dead or alive. 

"Dead." Bakura informed.

"How do you know?" Ryou asked. Bakura innocently.

"I pissed in the cat's ear" Bakura said.

"You did WHAT?!?" Ryou exclaimed in surprise.

"You know", explained the former tomb robber, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

Ryou did an anime fall.

* * *

Mokuba was sent to bed by his big brother. 

Five minutes later... "Se-to..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Se-tooo!"

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank and ground you!!"

Five minutes later..."SEEE-TOOOO!"

"DAMN IT! WHAT?!"

"When you come in to spank and ground me, can you bring a drink of water?"

Seth was on the floor rolling.

* * *

An exasperated grandfather, whose grandson was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "Yuugi, how do you expect to get into Heaven?" 

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Yuugi, come in or stay out!'"

* * *

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a little boy was being tucked into bed by his 'mother', Yuugi. He was about to turn off the light when the little boy asked with a tremor in his voice, 

"Mommy Yuugi, will you sleep with me tonight?"

Yuugi smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't, bud" he said. "I have to sleep in Daddy Yami's room".

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "You big wuss."

Yuugi made a mental note: _Keep him away from Bakura from now on_.

* * *

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the sermon. 

All the yamis were invited to come forward. Malik sent Marik up to the front.

Marik was wearing a particularly nice suit and, as he sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very sharp suit, young man. Is it your Sunday suit?"

Marik replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and Malik says '_it's a bitch to iron'_".

Malik never showed his face in that church again.

* * *

When Tea was six months pregnant with her and Steve's first child, Ryou and Bakura came to visit. 

Steve was chatting with the albino duo wben Tea came into the room and said she was getting ready to get into the shower.

Bakura said, "Damn, Tea, you are getting fat!"

Ryou whacked Bakura upside the head. "BAKURA!"

Steve said, "It's okay, Ryou. Bakura is just, uh, stating an observation of sorts."

Tea then turned to Bakura.

"Bakura, remember I told you that I am pregnant, which means that I have a baby growing in my tummy".

"I know that much", Bakura replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

Steve made the mistake of laughing out loud, resulting in his being confined to the couch until the baby was born and resulted in Ryou doing the same to Bakura.

* * *

Yami was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." 

Yuugi heard what he was saying and gasped "What are you doing?"

The former Pharaoh answered "I'm doing my math homework, Yuugi."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" Yuugi asked.

"Yes", Yami answered.

Infuriated, Yuugi asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching Yami in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

Yuugi asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught Yami was: two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Yuugi walked out of the classroom, red-faced with embarrassment.

* * *

One day Solomon was reading the story of Chicken Little to the yamis. He came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. 

He read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".

Solomon paused then asked, "And what do you think that farmer said?".

Shadi raised his hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit…a talking chicken!"

Solomon was unable to finish the story for the next 10 minutes.

* * *

Well, like that one, folks? 

Jib Jab again!

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	33. Ooohh, BUUUUUURRRNN!

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Ooohhh, BUUUUURRRRN!**

* * *

**Shadi and Ishizu were working in their garden one day and ****Shadi looks over at his wife and says:**

**"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. ****I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."**

**With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and ****measured the grill and then went over to where Ishizu was** **standing and measured her bottom.**

**"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"**

* * *

**Later that night in bed, Shadi was feeling a little frisky.** **He makes some advances towards Ishizu who completely** **brushes him off.**

**"What's wrong?" he asks.**

**She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up my big-ass grill** **_for you little-ass, shriveled-up weenie ?"_**

**

* * *

**Payback is indeed a BITCH!

Jib Jab!

Please review!


	34. The Yamis Are At It Again!

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Four: The yamis are at it again

* * *

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Bakura stood up.

Everyone laughed.

Ryou sighed as he whispered, "Bakura, will you please cut the crap?"

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Bakura?"

Bakura replied, "No, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Ryou sweatdropped. "That's it, Bakura...you're so going on pills!"

* * *

Marik and Malik were visiting Tea and Mai one evening.

They watched, fascinated, as Tea and Mai smoothed cold cream on their faces.

"Why do you do that, girls?" Malik asked.

"To make ourselves beautiful," Mai replied.

Tea and Mai then began removing the cream with tissues.

"What's the matter?" asked Marik. "giving up already?"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Malik

* * *

Yuugi saw that Yami wasn't paying attention in class.

"Psst! Yami. You had better start paying attention or you'll get in trouble" said Yuugi.

Yami nodded his head when he heard the teacher call him.

"Yami! What are 2, 4, 28 and 44?"

Yami quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

The entire class erupted in laughter

Yuugi put his head on the desk in embarrassment. "Where can I find a hole to jump in?"

* * *

Seto and Seth's class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the students pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Seth asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Seto shook his head. "Dumb ass."

* * *

Marik attended a horse auction with Shadi. He watched as Shadi moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Marik asked, "Shadi, why are you doing that?"

Shadi replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Marik, looking worried, said, "Uh, Shadi? I think the UPS guy wants to buy Ishizu."

Needless to say. Shadi left for home ASAP.

* * *

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	35. Only Bakura

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: M

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: ONLY BAKURA**

* * *

"Ryou, I need $100" Bakura said to Ryou one morning at the breakfast table.

"Why?" asked Ryou.

"Stuff?" said Bakura

"Well, I don't have $100 and I won't have it until payday in two weeks" replied Ryou.

Bakura was not pleased.

"Well, I need it!" griped Bakura. Ryou sighed.

"If you need it that badly, ask Ra for it!" yelled Ryou, losing his patience.

Bakura thought that was a great suggestion and decided to do just that.

Bakura wanted that $100 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write Ra a letter requesting the $100.00.

* * *

When the postal authorities received the letter to _Ra in Cairo, Egypt_ , they decided to send it to the President. 

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the tomb robber a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to this man, especially when you don't have it.

Bakura was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to Ra, which read:

_Dear Ra: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes. _

* * *

Whatcha think?

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	36. The Pharaoh and The Policeman

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: M

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: THE PHARAOH AND THE POLICEMAN**

* * *

One Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was Yami on his shiny new motorcycle. The cop said to Yami, "Nice bike you got there,sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

The former Pharaoh replied, "Yes, he did, Officer, and I love it."

The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike."

The cop then proceeded to issue Yami a $20.00 motorcycle safety violation ticket.

Yami took the ticket and before he rode off, he asked,"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there, Officer.Did Santa bring that to you as well?"

Humoring the young man, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The Game King continued, "Well, next year, I suggest you tell Santa..._ to put the dick **underneath** the horse, instead of **on top**."_

The look on the cop's face was ...PRICELESS!

Lesson leared: NEVER PISS OFF YAMI!

* * *

Please Review! 


	37. Mokuba Wants To Drive

TItle: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: M

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN: MOKUBA WANTS TO DRIVE

* * *

**

Mokuba had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of Seth, a modern-day priest, if they could discuss his use of Seth's car, seeing that Seto said 'no' when Mokuba asked for his car.

Seth said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, _get your hair cut_ and we'll talk about the car."

Well, Mokie thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks they went in to the study, where Seth said, "Mokie, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. _However, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."_

Mokie paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Seth, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus also had long hair."

To Seth replied, "They also WALKED everywhere they went...did you see that?"

Needless to say. Mokuba ran...all the way to a barber.

* * *

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	38. The Yamis Writing Excuse Notes

TItle: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: M

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY:-EIGHT: THE YAMI WRITE EXCUSE NOTES...OH, MY RA!**

* * *

Yami's Excuse Note For Yuugi: 

_My Aibou, Yuugi Mutou, was feeling pooly yesterday, Please execute him._

* * *

Yuugi: (OO) YAMI! You're supposed to write _'please EXCUSE him'_...not EXECUTE! 

Yami: (red-faced) Oops...uh, sorry about that, Aibou. Heh-heh-heh.

* * *

Bakura's Excuse Note For Ryou after Ryou had gotten a penicillin shot for an infection: 

_Please exkuce Ryou for being absent. He was sick and I had him shot._

_

* * *

_

Ryou: (OO) Oh, dear Lord...BAKURA!

Bakura: (watching TV) What?

Ryou: I TOLD you not to write excuse notes while watching television.

Bakura: Huh?

Ryou: -sigh- Bakura, You were suppse to write '_I had to get shots'_ not _'you had me shot'_!

Bakura: (OO) Oh, crap! You shouldn't take that to school then.

Ryou: (-.-') Gee...you think?!

* * *

Marik's Excuse Note For Malik: 

_Dear school: Please excuse Malik for being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33._

_

* * *

_

Malik: Just when I thought there was some hope for you, you had to write this shit!

Marik: What? I wrote the note like you said.

Malik: Marik, January has 31 days, not 33!

Marik: I thought that was funny.

Malik: (walks off) Dumb ass.

* * *

Shadi's Excuse Note For Ishizu After She Fell Out Of A Tree: 

_Please excuse Ishizu from PE for a few days. Yesterday she fell out of a tree and can't locate her arm._

_

* * *

_

Ishizu: Shadi, love.

Shadi: Yes, beloved?

Ishizu: How can one 'not locate' their arm?

Shadi: You told me to write that.

Ishizu: I DISLOCATED MY ARM, YOU IDIOT! DIS-LO-CA-TED!

Shadi: Meaning?

Ishizu: Forget it. (walks off to go to bed)

* * *

Another Excuse Note Bakura Wrote For Ryou Following His Dental Appointment: 

_Ryou has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face._

_

* * *

_

Ryou: (OO) BAKURA!

Bakura: Yeah?

Bakura: Do you even have a brain in that head of yours?

Bakura: Yeah...

Ryou: How in the world can you write this?

Bakura: Well, where are your teeth?

Ryou: In my mouth...

Bakura: Where is your mouth?

Ryou: Here on my face, Bakura...

Bakura: There you are, then. I wrote the truth.

Ryou: You sick-ass fool.

* * *

Marik's Excuse Note For Malik After Getting Hurt In A Football Game: 

_Malik Ishtar was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part._

_

* * *

_

Malik: (OO) MARIK!

MarikL Huh?

Malik: Never mind...forget it.

* * *

Yami's Excuse Note He Wrte For Solomon Mutou For A Duel Monster's Conference At Kaiba Corp.: 

_Solomon Mutou could not come today because he has been bothered by very close veins._

_

* * *

_

Solomon: (blinks) Huh?

Yuugi: -sigh- Yami, it's vericose veins. V-E-R-I-C-O-S-E.

Yami: Oh.

Solomon: (-.-) I'll write my own next time.

* * *

Bakura's Excuse Note For Duke Devlin When He Was Sick With Gastroenteritis (Stomach Flu): 

_Please excuse Duke Devlin for being absent Friday from school. He has very loose vowels._

_

* * *

_

Duke: (OO) WHAT THE HELL?!

Ryou: -sigh- Your fault, Duke. YOU wanted him to write it for you.

Duke: (to Bakura) Dude, loose BOWELS! Come on, you're not this idiotic.

Ryou: Don't count on that.

Bakura: I wrote what you said, Dice Girl.

Ryou: Stop the crap, Bakura.

Duke: Vowels are A,E,I,O,U.

Bakura: Then I wrote the truth. You always run off at the mouth anyway!

Duke: (OO)

Ryou: Come on, you. (grapps Bakura by the ear)

* * *

Yami's Excuse For Yuugi When He Caught The Stomach Flu From Duke: 

_Please excuse Yuugi Mutou from being absent yesterday. He had diahre...dyrea...direathe...oh, the hell with it! He had the shits._

_

* * *

_

Solomon: (OO) Oh, dear Heaven!

Yuugi: (OO) YAMI!

Yami: What?

Yuugi: Couldn't you just say I was sick? Was that too much to ask?!

* * *

Marik's Excuse Note For Malik When He Caught The Stomach Flu From Yuugi:

_Please excuse Hikari-Pretty, Malik Ishtar, from your school. He said he has diarrhea and his booty leaks._

* * *

Malik: (OO') THE HELL?!

Ishizu: (laughing her ass off)

Shadi: (laughing his ass off)

Marik: That's what you said, Hikari-Pretty!

Malik: YOU JACKASS! THEY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

Marik: Oh...

Malik: (anime fall)

* * *

Seth's Excuse Note For Mokuba Due To Missing The Bus & Seto Was Gone:

_Please excuse Mokuba for his absence today. He missed his butt._

* * *

Mokuba: (OO) Uh, Seth...

Seth: yes, Little Brother?

Mokuba: How could you write this? This sounds retarded.

Seth: (reading the note) Oh, crap.

Mokuba: Well, lucky for you, I got this before the school did.

Seth: Well, unlucky for you, Mokie...I faxed this letter to them ten minutes ago.

Mokuba: (OO) YOU WHAT?! (runs out the door to run three miles to school)

* * *

Seth's Excuse Note For Seto When He Was Late For School: 

_Please excuse Seto Kaiba for being. It was his father's fault._

_

* * *

_

Seto: (blinking) What was Father's fault. Seth?

Seth: That you're a heartless bastard with an ice-stick up your ass?

Seto: WELL, I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU CAN HAVE THE SENNEN ROD,,,UP YOUR ASS!

Seth: (OO) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (runs)

Set0: GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, YOU BASTARD! (runs after him)

* * *

Rashid's Excuse Note For Odion Due To A Death In The Family: 

_Odion Ishtar won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend his funeral._

_

* * *

_

Odion: (OO) WHAT?!

Rashid: Did I not do good, love?

Odion: Love, whose funeral we're going to?

Rashid: Your great-aunt Lalika.

Odion: Kindly read this, love. (shows the note to Rahsid)

Rashid: (after reading) (OO) Oh, dear...I am SO sorry.

* * *

Yami's Excuse Note For Mai Valentine Due To Cramps: 

_Please excuse Mai Valentine for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps._

_

* * *

_

Mai: (OO) YAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIII!

Solomon: (running in the room) Mai? What's wrong?

Yuugi: (runnung in with Yami) Mai, are you okay?

Yami: (Sennen Eye glowing) Mai, where are they? I'll send them to the Shadow Realm!

Mai: YOU SHOULD YOUR OWN ASS THERE, YAM!

Yami: (Sennen Eye gone) Huh?

Mai: LOOK AT THIS NOTE!

(Yami, Yuugi and Solomon read the note)

Yami: (OO) Oh...shit...

YuugiL (OO) YAMI! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

Solomon: I COULD GET ARRESTED FOR THIS, YOU DUMB ASS!

Mai: (kicks Yami and leaves)

* * *

_Please Review!_


	39. Seto and The Yamis Call 911!

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authores: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

(This one is for you, Journey Maker!)

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: THE YAMIS AND SETO CALL 911!**

* * *

These were 911 calls placed in Domino City, Japan. (A/N: Those poor dispatchers...XD)

* * *

**_Call No. 1: Placed By Marik_**

Dispatcher: Domino City 911 Emergency.

Marik: Yeah, I need some help.

Dispatcher: What's the matter? What...

Marik: My Math homework. I need to have it in by tomorrow. Will you help, Mr. 911 man?

Dispatcher: Sure, I guess I can do it this once. Next time, get a math tutor, ok?

Marik: Okay. Whatever.

Dispatcher: What kind of math do you need help with?

Marik: My take-aways.

Dispatcher: Huh? Take-away? Oh, you mean subtraction.

Marik: Yeah, that.

Dispatcher: Okay, what's the problem?

Marik: Uh...sixteen take away eight...

Dispatcher: Okay...

Marik: ...is what?

Dispatcher: You tell me. How much do you think it is?

Marik: Uh...can I go with three?

Diapatcher: No, that's incorrect. Try again.

Marik: Well, how about...

(Malik enters the room)

Malik: Marik, what are you doing? Who is that on the phone?

Marik: Well, Malik, this nice police guy is on the phone helping me with my math homework. I called that 911 number.

Malik: (OO) **WHAT THE HELL?! MARIK, YOU BAKA! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO ABOUT PLAYING ON THE DAMNED PHONE?!**

Dispatcher: Listen to Malik, sir.

Marik: But, Hikari-pretty...

Malik: Don't _'but, Hikari-pretty'_ ME!

(Dispatcher is laughing his ass off! XD)

Marik: ..._you_ said if I even need help, call someone.

Malik: **_NOT THE RA-DAMNED POLICE, YOU IDIOT!_**

(Malik gets the phone)

Malik: I am SO sorry about that, officer. (hangs up and throws a salt shaker at Marik)

* * *

_**Call No. 2: Placed By Seth**_

Dispatcher: Domino City 911 Emergency. Do you need police, fire, or medical?

Seth: Hello, sir. I am afraid I am a little lost. I need directions.

Dispatcher: Sir, do you need police, fire or medical?

Seth: No, sir. I do not require the assistance of the authorities.

Dispatcher: Then why on earth did you call?

Seth: I need directions to Jimmy Black Porn Emporium. My tapes are due today.

Dispatcher: (OO) Huh?

Seth: Do you know how I could get there?

Dispatcher: No, sir.

Seth: Never mind. I'll mail them back. Good day.(hangs up)

Dispatcher: (OO) Oh, dear Lord.

* * *

**_Call No. 3: Placed By Bakura:_**

Dispatcher: Domino City 911 Emergency

Bakura: Greetings...I put in my turkey in the oven this morning...

Dispatcher: Uh-huh...

Bakura: ..and I set the oven at about five hundred degrees...

Dispather: Uh-huh...

Bakura: When I took it out, it was a cremated black. Is it dead?

Dispatcher: (trying not to laugh) Uh, sir...I think your turkey was dead before you put it in the oven. If it wasn't dead then, it is now.

Bakura: (OO) Oh...shit...

(Ryou was running in from the living room)

Ryou: Bakura, what did you burn in here?

Bakura: The turkey, but don't worry. This 911 person told me it was dead before I charred it at five hundred...

Ryou: (OO) _**OH, MY GOD! BAKURAAAAA! YOU BAKA! YOU KNOW YOU GOT WARRANTS OUT FOR YOUR ARREST FOR NOT PAYING YOUR LITTERING TICKETS!**_

Bakura: (OO) Oh, damn! You're right, Ryou. (to Dispatcher) Forget I ever called, (hangs up)

Dispatcher: (after laughing himself to death) I just did. That poor Ryou guy!

* * *

**_Call No. 4: Placed By Shadi:_**

Dispatcher: Domino City 911 Emergency. Can I hep you?

Shadi: I need someone to get this ice off my windshield.

Dispatcher: I'm not sure why you would think that a police officer, fireman or paramedic would come to your home to scrape ice off your windshield, sir.

Shadi: I don't have anything to get it off.

Dispatcher: Use hot water, sit. The ice would melt. Then run the car with the defroster on for a few moments.

Shadi: You're not coming to help me?

Dispatcher: I did help you...I told you what to do.

Shadi: Thank you and goodbye. (hangs up)

* * *

**_Call No. 5: Placed By Yami_**

Dispatcher: Domino City 911. What is the address of your emergency?

Yami: This is Yami Atemu. My Aibou and I are locked inside our car. Our battery shut down.

(Yuugi is right beside Yami)

Yuugi: (OO) YAMI! We can get out of here, you know. All we need to do is...

Yami: Hush, love. I need to talk to this deliverer of emergency services.

Yuugi: (-.-') -sigh- Sure, Yami...

Yami: Thanks. (to dispatcher) Please help us!

Dispatcher: You and your spouse are locked IN your car?

Yami: Yes, madam. We're trapped inside in this horrible heat! The power shut down in our car!

Dispatcher: Okay...(o.O)

Yami: We're getting overheated and dehyderated. My love is hyperventilating and I am feraking out here.

Yuugi: (-.-'') Oh, God or Ra...anyone, I don't care...PLEASE make him stop!

Yami: Yuugi, you need to hold on.

Yuugi: (sigh) Yeah...to the rest of my dignity!

Dispatcher: Mr. Atemu, are you saying that your battery died?

Yami: YES! NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!

Dispatcher: Did you try the handle? Can you get out that way?

Yami: I tried that already. It's a no-go.

Dispatcher: Can you actually SEE the top of your lock?

Yami: Where is this lock you speak of?

Yuugi: (to himself) _I do NOT believe this shit._ (to Yami) YAMI! Do you see that round thing on the door near the window?

Yami: Yes, Aibou.

Yuugi: ( -. -') **_JUST PULL IT UP LIKE I DID, YOU BUFFOON! DAMN!_**

Yami: Yuugi, you're talking jibberish. The heat must be getting to you!

Dispatcher: He's telling you the truth, Mr. Atemu. _Just pull it up and you're out._

(Yami did just that and -big shock- the door was able to open.)

Yami: (O.O"'') I have SO embarrassed myself!

Yuugi: Embarrassed YOU?! _How about me, too?!_

Yami: Sorry, Aibou. (to dispatcher) I feel like an idiotic buffoon, Please forgive me.

Dispatcher: (laughing) No worries. Have a good day. (hangs up)

Yuugi: Yami...I would like to recite Ryou Bakura right at this moment.

Yami: Okay?

Yuugi: I have only one word to say to you, Yami, my lover...

Yami: Yes, Aibou?

Yuugi: ( . ) COUCH! (storms in the game shop)

Yami: (OO) YUUGI! AW, COME ON! (running after him)

* * *

_**Call No. 6: Placed By Shimon**_

Dispatcher: Domino City 911 Emergency Services.

Shimon: I'm watching some movie picture and a man is beating another man with a bat.

Dispatcher: (O.O) Huh? A movie?

Shimon: Yes, Solomon and I got it from a place call Ball-Buster or something like that. Please come at once! This man is severely hurt!

(Solomon is sitting with him)

Solomon: Uh, Shimon?

Shimon: Yes?

Solomon: (OO) -loud sigh- FIRST of all, it's called BLOCKBUSTER, not Ball-Buster! SECOND, please tell me you didn't call 911 on this movie!

Shimon: Yes, I had to as a concerned citizen.

Solomon: Oh...dear...LORD! Shimon, it's a movie. **IT'S NOT FREAKING REAL, OKAY?!**

Shimon: Well, let's see what this nice 911 lady has to say about that, shall we?

Solomon: (shaking his head) $50.00 says she'll tell you to stop watching it if it scares you so much.

Shimon: $50.00 says she'll send the SWAT team people here in a flash to arrest the fiend responsible.

Solomon: This would be the easiest $50.00 I ever made. You're on!

Shimon: Hush, you! (to the dispatcher) When shall the SWAT arrive to deal with this vermin?

Dispatcher: (trying to keep a straight face) Sir, if you don't want to watch the movie...then turn it off. (hangs up)

Solomon: (grinning) Where's my $50.00?

* * *

**_Call No. 7: Placed By Seto Kaiba (Seto was drunk in this one...I think)_**

Dispatcher: Domino City 911.

Seto: This is Seto Kaiba and I need assistance at Danny's BBQ on Sakura and Haiku in Downtown Domino!

Dispatcher: What's the problem-

Seto: **THEY STOLE MY DAMN MONEY! THESE VERMIN WON'T MAKE THE FOOD I ORDERED AND PAID FOR! I ORDERED A CHOPPED BEEF SANDWICH WITH EXTRA HOT SAUCE! THESE BASTARDS DIDN'T PUT ANY HOT SAUCE ON THIS SHIT! THEY'RE KEEPING MY $5.12!**

Dispatcher: Hold on, hold on. Slow down, Mr. Kaiba.What's going on? (no response) Hello?

Seto: **WHAT DID IT JUST TELL YOU?!**

Dispatcher: Sir, you're yelling.

Seto:** I NEED ASSSITANCE! I WANT EITHER MY FOOD OR MY MONEY!**

Dispatcher: You're having a problem with your food?

Seto: **IT'S THE FUCKING ORDER, YOU DUMB ASS SON OF A BITCH!** (lowers voice) My apologies, sir. I am upset.

Dispatcher: I can see that, Mr. Kaiba, but you're gonna have to calm down and tell me the problem.

Seto: (raising voice again) **GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND GIVE ME THE FOOD I PAID FOR!**

Dispatcher: Uh, my ASS will be staying here in the office, so...

Seto: (livid) **ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?!**

Dispatcher: Mr. Kaiba, please calm...

Seto: **FUCK IT! I'LL JUST BLOW THIS BITCH RIGHT TO HELL!** (hangs up)

* * *

Whatcha think?

Please R/R!


	40. This is Why Seto Should NOT Be In Church

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authroess: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY: SLEEPING IN CHURCH

* * *

**

Seto and Mokuba was invited to church with Adam, Mokie's friend. Seto, due to his working hard and working long hours, kept falling asleep in church, much to Mokie's embarrassment.

Fianlly, Adam, who is constantly embarrassed by Seto's falling asleep in church, (like Mokie was) goes to the pastor to ask for help.

The pastor says, "Look boys, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin. I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.". Adam agrees to the plan, as did Mokie.

So Sunday rolls around and sure enough, good old Mr. Seto Kaiba nods off again.

The priest notices and asks, "Who is our saviour?" then nods to Adam. Mokie gives Adam the hat pin and Adam pokes Seto, and he wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"

The priest, pretending to be impressed, says, "Very good!"

A full three minutes later, Seto falls asleep again. The priest again notices, and asks, "What is the name of Jesus' father?" before nodding at the boys again.

Adam pokes Seto, who screams, "GOD!" at the top of his lungs.

The priest again congratulates Seto on his alertness and continues with the sermon.

However, during the sermon, the pastor begins nodding enthusiastically, which Adam and Mokie mistake for a poking signal.

The pastor then says, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she gave him his 99th child?" the pastor nods.

The mistaken Mokie gives Adam the hat pin and an equally mistaken Adam pokes his friend's older brother, and Seto shouts, "Damn it, Adam! If you stick that fucking thing inside me one more time, I'll snap it in half and shove it up your ass!"

Needless to say, Adam never invited them to church again.

* * *

WHATCHA THINK?!

R/R?


	41. NEVER LET MARIK WRITE ANYTHING!

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-ONE: NEVER LET MARIK WRITE ANYTHING!**

* * *

Malik was asked by the priest to write up the church's announcements for the following Sunday. Unfortunately, Malik had the flu and couldn't write anything. However, MARIK decided to help his Hikari-pretty and write the accouncements for him as well as deliver them to the priest.

* * *

(A/N: WHAT THE HELL WAS MALIK THINKING?!)

* * *

The following day, the priest came to the Ishtar residence to discuss Marik's "helpful" announcements with Malik and Marik both.

The follwoing exchange took place:

* * *

Priest: Malik, the next time you're sick, I'll have someone else do these annoucements instead of your...uh, that guy, Marik.

Marik: HEY! I take offense to that statement!

Priest: As I took offense to this abomination you dare call church announcements!

Malik: What is the problem...or do I want to know?

Priest: You said that Marik was writing down the announcements you were dictating to him.

Malik: Yes, that's right, sir.

Priest: In future, you may want to check Marik's work before submitting it.

Malik: What did you write, Marik?!

Marik: What you told me, my precious.

Malik: (sigh) What did he write, sir?

Priest. I have the list right here. Have you the list you read from?

Marik: Yes, sir. (pulls out the list)

Priest: Please read the first one, Malik.

Malik: "A songfest was held at the Domino Methodist Church last Wednesday evening".

Priest: Marik wrote: "A songfest was **_hell_** at the Domino Methodist Church last Wednesday evening".

Malik: (OO) MARIK!

Marik: What?

Malik: (sigh) Nothing.

Priest: Read the next one Malik.

Malik: "The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used for cripple children".

Priest: Marik wrote: "The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used **_to _**cripple children".

Malik: (OO) Oh, dear Ra! (to Marik) **YOU JACKASS! DO YOU NOT EVEN HAVE A BRAIN IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS?!**

Marik: I love you.

Malik: (loud sigh)

Priest: The next one, Malik.

Malik: "The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys singing to join the choir".

Priest: Marik wrote: "The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys **_sinning_** to join the choir".

Malik: (OO') -smacks forehead and kicks Marik-

Marik: OW!

Malik: The next one says, "The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m".

Priest: Marik wrote: "The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. **_Please use the back door_**."

Malik: -smacks Marik- **YOU ASS!** (to Priest) Sorry, sir.

Priest: The next one, Malik?

Malik: "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Kaiba, the son of Mokuba. and Rebecca Kaiba.

Priest: Marik wrote: "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Kaiba, the **_sin _**of Mokuba and Rebecca Kaiba.

Malik: (OO) Oh, my RA! **MARIK, YOU JERK!**

Marik: WHAT?!

Priest: Please go on, Malik.

Malik: "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church"

Priest: Marik wrote: "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. **_Please use large double door at the side entrance_**".

Malik: **YOU ASSHOLE!** (to Priest) Forgive me, sir.

Priest: (to himself) Living with Marik I would swear as well. (to Malik) The next one?

Malik: "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"

Priest: Marik wrote: "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" **_Listen to our choir practice to find out"_**.

Marik: Uh, whoops?

Malik: You will DIE!

Priest: Please continue, Malik.

Malik: "Please pray for Mrs. Johnson. She will be entering the hospital this week to have her tests done".

PRiest: (trying to keep a straight face) Marik wrote: "Please pray for Mrs. Johnson. She will be entering the hospital this week to have her **_TESTES_** done".

Malik: (OO''') **MARIK, YOU SICK-ASS BASTARD!**

Ishizu: (whao was sitting quietly til now) **OH, GOOD RA!**

Shadi: (who was entereing the room)What did that idiot do this time?

(Ishizu whispered in Shadi's ear, making Shadi spit out the Coke he was drinking)

Shadi: **YOU IDIOT!** -smacks Marik and leaves the room-

Priest: The next one Malik?

Malik: "Our Christmas Theme song will be 'Angels We Have Heard On High'."

Priest: Marik wrote: "Our Christmas Theme song will be 'Angels We Have Heard **_Get_** High'."

Marik: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Malik: **SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY!**

Ishizu: -covering her mouth to stop the giggles-

Malik: (glaring at Ishizu) **YOU'RE NOT HELPING, SISTER!**

Ishizu: Forgive me, my brother.

Priest: The next one please?

Malik: "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community".

Priest: Marik wrote: "Remember in prayer the many who are sick **_of_** our church and community"

Malik: **WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BULLSHIT, MARIK?! HUH?!** (to Priest) Forgive me, sir.

Priest: Believe me...I understand. Please read the next one.

Malik: "Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir".

Priest: Marik wrote: "Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. _**They need all the help they can get**_".

Malik: -whack Marik with a vase- **YOU MORON**!

Marik:** OW! MALIK! THAT HURTS!**

Malik: **GOOD!**

Priest: The next one, please?

Malik: "Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'hello' to someone who doesn't care much about you".

Priest: Marik wrote: "Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say _**'hell'**_ to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Malik: ...(OO)

Marik: Malik?

Malik: Shut...the...hell..UP!

Priest: The last one?

Malik: -sigh- "This evening at 7:00 p.m, there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a balnket and come prepared to sing".

Marik wrote: "This evening at 7:00 p.m, there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a balnket and come prepared to **_sin_**".

Malik: I am SO sorry about that, sir. Marik will NEVER help me with the announcements again. I SWEAR IT!

PRiest: Thank you, son. Thank goodness I caught this before the secretary did. Well, have a blessed day. (leaves)

* * *

Malik: (to Marik) **_WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!_**

Marik: Uh...typos? Heh-heh.

Malik: **I'LL SHOW YOU A TYPO**! (gets out the bat wrapped up in barbed wire)

Marik: **AHHHHHH! PISSED HIKARI! CALL 911!**

* * *

Whatcha think? 

Good? Bad. Stupid?

Plrase Review!


	42. YGO isms

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-TWO: YGO-_ISMS_

* * *

**

YGO-im #1: _**"They don't make 'em like that anymore."-**_Sugoroku Muto/Solomon Muto

(Usually used in references to cars, houses, movies and people...this is a classic lament.)

**Translation: "It's hell being old!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #2: _**"Turn that racket down, will ya?! I can't hear myself think!"-**_ Mr. Jounouchi (Jou's father)

(This one is used when the music is too loud for his taste.)

**Translation: "I can't hear the game!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #3: "If you fall and break your leg, don't come crying to me." -Seto Kaiba

Translation: **"We're banned from the hospital because of my numerous frivolous lawsuits against them!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #4:**_ "Look it up in the dictionary!"_** -Katsuya Jonouchi/Joey Wheeler

Translation: **"Are you nuts? I have no idea how to spell pnuemonia...and I'm too damned old to learn!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #5: "**_You better not let your grandpa hear you say that."_** -Yami/Atem

Translation: **"I'm too old and tired to lecture you over a minor infraction like swearing, seeing that you may have learn it from me anyway. Just don't do it in front of Grandpa or we're both in trouble!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #6: **_"This is going to hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you." _**- Gozaburo Kaiba

(Please note: Seto, Noah, and Mokuba NEVER believed this crap for a second!)

* * *

YGO-ism #7: **_"Close your mouth and eat your dinner!"_** -Seth/Set

Translation: **"Stop talking and finish your food before it gets cold. This dinner cost Seto $2,500 per plate!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #8: **_"Rise and Shine! The early bird gets the worm! Up and at 'em! Wake up, Sleeyhead! Time to get shakin'!" -_**Yugi Muto/Yuugi Muto

(Yugi takes sadistic pleasure in rousing Grandpa and Yami from bed early in the morning. Perhaps Yugi assumes that since he has to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready for school, then Yamo adn Gramps should share in the misery. Sometimes, Yugi uses this time of day to play motivational speaker,)

**Even _Yami _hates this one!**

* * *

YGO-ism #9: **_"They're just jealous, that's all."_** -Bakura/Thief King Bakura

(An honorable, but often useless attempt to comfort Ryou when he has been treated poorly by his peers. This -ism is often said through clenched teeth as Bakura plots a slow and painful death for Ryou's tormentors.)

* * *

YGO-ism #10:**_ "Two wrongs don't make a right."_** -Ryou Bakura

(This ancient adage is applied when Bakura lied to cover up another misdeed such as shoplifting, drag racing in a stolen car, or sending police officers to the Shadow Realm.)

* * *

YGO-ism #11: **_"Did I ever tell you about the time..."-_** Arthur Hawkins

(Please note: it does no good to say "Yea, Arthur, we heard that one before". You're going to hear it again, so you might as well just go with it.)

* * *

YGO-ism #12: "**_It's time we separate the men from the boys!"_** -Marik Ishtar

(This -ism strikes fear in Malik's heart every time he hears it because it usually means that Malik will be forces to do something that he is not prepared to do...like being sent to the Shadow Realm.)

* * *

YGO-ism #13: **_"You make a better door than a window."_** -Mako Tsunami

Translation: **"You're standing in from of the television. Please move to the other side of the room so I can have a clear view of the fish and sharks on the Discovery Channel. You have ten seconds before I start a cursing streak!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #14: **_"Never spend more than half the money you have in your pocket."_** -Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor

(This advice is a good rule-of-thumb for everyone, although Tristan tends to forget it when he tries to impress Serenity.)

* * *

YGO-ism #15:**_ "Don't ever let me catch you doing that again!"_** -Malik Ishtar

(Some would say this classic -ism sends a mixed message, which is, "You can do it...I just don't want to find out about it". Marik's underlying principle is this: What Malik doesn't know won't hurt him..)

* * *

YGO-ism #16:**_ "Don't make me come in there!"_** -Pegasus J. Crawford/Maximillion Pegasus

Translation: **"I don't know what you are doing behind that door, Croquet, and I don't want to know. However, if I hear any more of that blasted noise, I will have to get off the sofa. If I do, and I end up missing the Funny Bunny Season Finale, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY, YOU BASTARD!"**

* * *

YGO-ism #17: **_"Is that a threat or a promise?...Don't let the door hit you in the rear...I'll help you pack...Write when you get work."_** -Ryuuji Otogi/Duke Devlin

(He and his love just had the fight of the decade. He stomps to their room, slams the door and yells, "I'm leaving and I will never come back!". That's when Duke launches in to reverse psychology mode, a;; the while praying that his plan doesn't backfire...because he just can't take another dramatic scene in front of the media.)

* * *

YGO-ism #18: **_"Go ahead..I'll catch you"_** -Shadi/Shada

(There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a leap of faith and jump into her man's arms...from the side of the pool, a high garden wall, etc. Reasured by her mans's confident words, the woman lets go and trusts that her man would be there with open arms and an unfiling grasp...and he is there! Then again, you have those smart-aleck bastards who pretend to drop the poor woman within inches of the ground. _Now, Shadi wonders why Ishizu iz in therapy right now_!)

* * *

Whatcha think, guys? Good? Lame? So-So?

Please R/R!


	43. Drunk Yamis Plus Homework Equal Chaos

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Genre: Humor

Rating: M

Disclaimer: NOT MINE

**CHAPTER FORTY-THREE: DRUNK YAMIS PLUS HOMEWORK EQUAL CHAOS**

* * *

Yami, Bakura, Shadi, Seth, Marik and Shimon were taking a computer literacy class at Domino High School where they were learning web addresses.

The teacher gave them an assigment: to write web addresses for legitimate businesses and to present said web addresses at a presentation later that evening.

The yamis decided that in order to get their brains working...they need booze and candy. (XP-yuck!)

They decided to turn the assingment presentation into a complete comedy act...please observe:

* * *

"Welcome to the presentation for the Computer Literacy Class of Domino High School. First up is Mr. Yami Atemu with his assigment. Please come up, Yami and Yuugi." The teacher introduced.

Yami was confident, but Yuugi was nervous.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am Yami Atemu and I am here with my love, Yuugi. The assignment I was given was for a comapny called _Who Represents...an agency that represents any celebrity_. Here is the web address...well my version."

Yami held up a carboard that had the following web address:

* * *

**_www . whore . presents . com_**

* * *

Yuugi was shocked and embarrassed. "YAMI! WHAT THE-?!"

The teacher was shocked silent and the entire audence was laughing thier heads off.

The teacher was shaking her head as Yami walked off the stage...with Yuugi scolding about how disappointed he was.

"Thank you, Yami, for...uh, that. Next up will be Mr. Bakura Alfekia and Ryou Bakura."

Ryou smiled nervously while Bakura grinned.

"Greetings. My assigned company was _Experts Exchange, which is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views._ Here is my version of their web address."

Like Yami, Bakura held up a cardboard that said:

* * *

**_www. expert . sex . change . com_**

* * *

Ryou's eyes were big as dinner plates and his face was deep red. "Oh, dear Lord...BAKURA!"

They audience was in stitches and the teacher was in complete shock. She was still in shock when the two whitenettes walked off the stage. Suddenly she heard, "Bakura...COUCH!"...followed by, "Aw, man!"

"Please welcome Marik Ishtar, accompanied by Malik Ishtar" the teacher said as the two made their way to the stage.

"I am Marik Ishtar and I was given the task of web-addressing the company _Pen Island, a comapny that produces ink pens_. Well, here is their web address."

With that, Marik help up a cardboard that said:

* * *

**_www . penis . land . com_**

* * *

The audience was shrieking with laughter, the teacher fainted and Malik was not too happy.

**"MARIK! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO CUT THE CRAP!"** yelled Malik ib embarrassment and anger as he dragged Marik off stage.

"Next we have is Shadi with Ishizu Ishtar" said the traumatized teacher. Shadi and Ishizu made their way to the stage.

"Greetins to all. I am Shadi and I was given the assignment to write the web address for a comapny called Italian Power Generator . Here, on this cardboard, I have written the web address as follows."

Shadi held up the cardboard and when Ishizu read it...she hid her face in shame. The sign read:

* * *

**_www . power . genitalia . com_**

* * *

"Oh...my...Ra! SHADI! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! FORGET IT! WE ARE SO GONNA HAVE A CHAT! COME ON YOU!"yelled Ishizu.

With that. Ishizu dragged poor Shadi off the stage...by his earring.

"Now, please welcome Seth and Seto Kaiba" said the teacher as two burnets walked upon the stage gracefully.

"I am called Seth and I was given the task of writing the web address for IP computer software. Here is my finished product."

Seth help up his cardboard sign that read:

* * *

**_www . i . p . anywhere . com_**

* * *

Seto was mortified as the audience went into another laughing fit.

**"SETH! WHAT THE FUCK?!"** Seto yelled as he dragged Seth offstage.

"Lastly, we have with us Shimon with Solomon Mutou" said the teacher, who was so ready to end this. Shimon was onstage with a worried Solomon.

"My name is Shimon. I was given the task of coming up with a web address for a comapny called Speed of Art. Please look at what I have accomplished."

Shimon presented the following web address on his cardboard:

* * *

**_www . speedo . fart . com_**

* * *

"Oh dear _heavens!_ Shimon! How could you write this?!" chided Solomon as he gave his apologies to the teacher and shoved Shimon offstage into the car.

**LESSON LEARNED: NEVER LET YAMIS DO THEIR HOMEWORD UNSUPERVISED!**

* * *

Please R/R!


	44. A Drunk Shadi Is A Funny Shadi

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR: A DRUNK SHADI IS A FUNNY SHADI**

* * *

It seems that Shadi (the once-dignified husband of Ishizu) had too much alcohol at Bakura's house and was heading home when he was pulled over by Domino PD Officer. Upon being tested, Shadi couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one So, as a result, the officer wrote out a ticket and had just given it to Shadi before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated Shadi, figuring that the officer wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed.

Shadi and Ishizu were awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more police officers.

"Are you Shadi Ishtar?" the asked?

"I am" replied Shadi while Ishizu looked on in confusion.

"Were you pulled over at Sennen Street last night for driving under the influence?" asked the officer.

"I was" replied Shadi honestly. Ishizu was shocked.

"Shadi, why in the hell were you driving home in that condition?! You could have called me or stayed at Bakura's until morning!" cried a worried and annoyed Ishizu.

"My apologies, love" said a sheepish Shadi..

"And what did you do then?" the officers asked.

"I drove home and went to bed" replied Shadi, just as honestly.

"Where is the car now?" the officers enquired.

"The car is in my garage" replied Shadi..

"May we see the car?" asked the officer.

Shadi answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

Shadi opened the garage and Ishizu was horrorfied.

"OH MY RA! SHADI...WHAT THE HELL!? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" yelled and irate and embarrassed Ishizu.

_**Inside the garage...was the police car.**_

* * *

What do you think?

Please review!


	45. Get The Medicine You Want Ishtar Style

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE: GET THE MEDICINE YOU WANT ISHTAR STYLE**

* * *

Malik walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist he needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The tombkeeper then  
explained she needed it to poison his lover, Marik.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give  
you cyanide to kill your lover! That's against the law! I'll lose my  
license...they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will  
happen! Absolutely not...you cannot have any cyanide!"

Then Malik reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture of Marik... **_in bed with the pharmacist's lover_**.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

* * *

What do you think?

Please review!


	46. Putting On The Kaiba Charm

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-SIX: PUTTING ON THE KAIBA CHARM**

* * *

The famous Seto Kaiba has the following repsonse to show he is...somewhat... gentlemanly. Observe:

**_"Hi there, I'm a human being! What breed of mutt are you?"_** (to Joey)

**_"Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date."_** (to Pegasus)

**_"Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?"_** (to Panik)

**_"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people."_** (to Joey again)

**_"Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes."_** (to Miho)

**_"All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo."_** (to Rex)

**_"I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high."_** (to Tristan)

**_"You should learn from your parents' mistakes - try using some birth control."_** (to Duke)

**_"He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe."_** (to Joey again)

**_"Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade."_** (to Yuugi)

**_"If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to people...I'd say BOO!"_** (to Bonz)

**_"You got a face only Anubis could love...because even your mother had her limits!"_** (to Marik)

_**"I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job." **_ (to Bonz again)

**_"Listen, are you always this conceited... or are you just making a special effort today?"_** (to Yami)

**_"Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?"_** (to Noah)

_**"Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice."**_ (to Gozuboro)

**_"Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured."_** (to Bandit Keith)

**_"I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?"_** (to Bakura again)

**_"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma, perhaps?"_** (to Tea)

**_"You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!"_** (to Joey once again)

_**"I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock." **_(to Panik again)

**_"Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!"_** (to Dartz)

* * *

What do you think?

Please review!


	47. Yami's Resignation Letter

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN: YAMI'S RESIGNATION LETTER**

* * *

Yami was working for Domino Dueling Sanctum. for about ten years when he had enough of his boss' asshole-ish behavior and decided to quit.

Before he did, he wrote his resignation letter...that went like this:

(ahem)

* * *

Dear Mr. Hikaru Tanaka:

As a graduate of an institution of higher education (as well as being the King of Games), I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above a hard-boiled egg.

After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, the dueling analytical instructor, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

I was hired because I know how to duel...and win, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of trap cards and magic cards for the umpteenth time.

You will never understand the game of duel monsters. Something as incredibly simple as shuffling your deck still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what BEWD stands for (Blue Eyes White Dragon, if you can't guess).

The loser named Bandit Keith has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the court jester that everyone else boos and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts:

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to act shitty, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Cockmaster", "Teen Sex", and "Kiddie Porn" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like mentally-challenged buffoon you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a dildos and strap-ons, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation.

(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never FUCK with the King of Games.

Why?

Because I know what you do with all your free time...and so will the executives as well as the stockholders and Domino Action Miscellaneous News (D.A.M.N.)!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Yami Atem Mutou

* * *

**_LESSON LEARNED...NEVER PISS OFF YAMI!

* * *

_****__**

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Please review!


	48. Kaiba's Divorce Letter

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT: KAIBA'S DIVORCE LETTER**

* * *

Dear Joseph:

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The day you left, I swore, I'd never talk to you again...but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that, but now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as  
long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt and this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Joey."

I look for you in the eyes and cocks of every man I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this guy at Flamingos and brought him home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

He was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give  
you. I mean, just a perfect body. Nuts like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.

Every gay man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown to bits by this hunk, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make him better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at.

Does it make him a better person? Does he have a better heart than my moderately attractive Joseph Wheeler? I doubt it.

I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed him about a half a pint of jizz, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?"

It wasn't just his flawless technique or his slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? Then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean?

Nothing feels the same without you. Damn it, Joey, I'm just going crazy without you and everything I do just reminds me of  
you.

Do you remember Jason, that single dad we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, he dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. He said he figured I wasn't eating right without another man around. I didn't know what he meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. This male tart's a total monster in the sack. He's giving me everything, you know, like a real man does when he's not hung up about his weight or his life and whether the neighbors can hear us.

Suddenly, he spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So he puts it on the floor and we  
straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves...and it's totally hot...but it makes me sad, too...beause I can't help thinking, _**"Why didn't Joey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for years, and we never used it as a sex toy."**_

Saturday, your older brother drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean Anthony's just a kid and all, but he's got a pretty good head on his shoulders and he's been a real friend to me during this painful time. He's given me lots of good advice about you and about life in general. He's pulling for us to get back together, Joey, he really is.

So we're doing Jell-O shots in jacuzzi and talking about happier times.

Here's this young man with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much he looked like you when you were 18 and that just about makes me cry. It turns out Anthony's has a huge crush on me. Do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your brother's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Joey. In your heart you must know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love,

Seto

* * *

**_How many of you think Seto needs professional help...or needs to be castrated and shot?_**

Please review!


	49. Hard Lessons For The Yamis and Hikaris

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-NINE: LESSONS THE YAMIS AND HIKARIS LEARNED THE HARD WAY **

* * *

Important things to to teach your yamis:

1.) **A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4  
inches deep.** (BAKURA)

2.) **If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller  
blades, they can ignite.** (YAMI)

3) **Threatening to send police officers to the Shadow Realm is not a good idea**. (MARIK)

4.) **If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a fully grown yami wearing BEWD underwear and a Dark Magician cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint  
on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.** (SETH)

5.) **You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.** (RASHID)

6.) **The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.** (SHADI)

7.) **When you hear the toilet flush and the words "oh shit", it's already too  
late. **(YAMI)

8.)** Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke --lots of it.** (BAKURA)

9.) **A yami can start a fire with a flint rock even though a hikari says they can only do it in the movies.** (SHADI)

10.) **Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of yami.** (MARIK)

11.) **Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.** (SHIMON)

12.) **Super glue is forever.** (BAKURA)

13.) **No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.** (SETH)

14.) **Pool filters do not like Jell-O.** (SETH)

15.) **VCR's do not eject "PB&J" or "grilled cheese" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.** (SHADI)

16.) **Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.** (YAMI)

17) **Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.** (BAKURA)

18.) **You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.** (MARIK)

19.) **Always look in the oven before you turn it on...plastic toys do not like ovens.** (SHIMON)

20.) **The fire department in Domino has a 5-minute response time.** (bAKURA)

21.) **The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.** (RASHID)

22) **The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy.** (MARIK)

23.) **Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.** (MARIK)

24.) **80 percent of other yamis who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid**. (LIKE BAKURA)

25.) **80 percent of hikaris will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without yamis. **(YUUGI, RYOU, SOLOMON, MALIK, ODION, SETO, AND ISHIZU)

* * *

a) For those without yamis..._**this is hysterical**_.

b) For those whose yamis no longer do this shit...**_this is hilarious._**

c) For those who have yamis who do this shit...**_this is not funny._**

d) For those who have yamis thinking about doing this shit**_...this is a warning_**.

**_  
_**e) For those who have not yet have yamis.. .**_this is a public service announcement_**

Please review!


	50. Solomon Retires

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTY: SOLOMON RETIRES**

* * *

Upon reaching age 70, Solomon decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, Yuugi became very  
agitated with him. Yuugi suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.

Solomon obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he returned, Yuugi asked about his day and Solomon replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys and ...I joined a parachute club."

Yuugi's eyes were like dinner plates when he heard the news.

"What are you nuts?! You're 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?!"

"Damn straight, young man! Oh, look...I even got a membership card id ytou don't believe me!" said Solomon.

Yuugi took the card and turned beet-red as he read it. "Grandpa, you need glasses! This is a membership in a **_PROSTITUTE _**Club, not a Parachute Club!"

Hearing this, Solomon sighed heavily.

"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 rides a week!"

* * *

Please review!


	51. Too Embarrassing For Words

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE: TOO EMBARRASSING FOR WORDS**

* * *

Have you ever asked your yami a question too many times?

Marik had a lot of problems with using the restroom in the modern world and Malik was on him constantly.

One day, they stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying his taco, Malik smelled something funny, so of course Malik checked their seven-month-old son, and he was clean.

Then Malik realized that Marik had not gone to go bathroom in a while, so Malik asked him if he needed to go, and Marik said "No."

Malik kept thinking, "Oh Lord, this man has had an accident, and we don't have any spare clothes with us."

Then Malik said, "Marik, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

Malik just KNEW that Marik must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Marik Ishtar, did you have an accident?"

This time Marik got up from his chair, yanked down his pants, bent over with his butt facing Malik and spread his cheeks and yelled. **"SEE MALIK?! IT'S JUST FARTS!!"**

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, Marik calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

Poor Malik was deep beet-red from embarrassment.

An old couple made him feel somewhat better by thanking Malik and Marik for the best laugh they'd ever had!

* * *

Please review!


	52. Think Before You Speak On The Air

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK ON THE AIR**

* * *

This incident had all of the city of Domino laughing for 2 weeks and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

Mai Valentine was the new female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman, who just HAD to be Solomon Mutou and asked:

**_"So Grandpa Mutou, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"_**

Not only did **SOLOMON** have to leave the set, _**but half the crew did too**_...they were laughing so hard!

* * *

(A/N: Personally...I would have paid money to see that...would you, folks?)

Please review!


	53. Bumber Sticker Expressions

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: I OWN NO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: BUMPER-STICKER EXPRESSIONS**

* * *

Yami:

_******Ra loves you********..********but everyone else thinks you are an ass********.**_

Joey:

**_Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"_**

Tristan:

******The proctologist called********... ********they found your head********.**

Solomon:

******_Everyone has a photographic memory_********  
_..._********_some just don't have any film._**

Bandit Keith:

**_Save your breath..You'll need it to blow up your date._**

Noah:

**_Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted._**

Ryou:

******_I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off._**

Duke:

******_WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship._**

Pegasus:

_******Gentlemen********...********just because you have a dick, doesn't mean you have to be one********.**_

Roland:

_******Some people just don't know how to drive********...**_******  
_I call these people "Everybody But Me,"_**

Ishizu:

_******Heart Attacks...Ra's revenge for eating his animal friends********.**_

Mokuba:

_******Don't like my driving? Then quit watching ********me.**_

Seth

******_If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you._**

Malik:

******_Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them._**

Mai:

******_Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself._**

Thank you!

* * *

Review, please!


	54. Smart Ass Answers

Title: The Insanity is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer I OWN NOTHING

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR: SMART-ASS ANSWERS

* * *

Smart-ass Answer #1:

Mai Valentine, a flight attendant, was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened

his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...Mai said,

Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

* * *

Smart-ass Answer #2:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked Bakura, a stock boy:

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" Bakura replied, "No ma'am, they're  
dead."

* * *

Smart-ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and Yami, who was stopped for speeding, rolled

down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. Yami

replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally

stopped laughing, he sent Yami on his way without a ticket.

* * *

Smart-ass Answer #4:

Marik, a truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads,

_**Low bridge ahead'.**_

Before he knew it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?"

Marik says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

* * *

SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:

Pegasus, a teacher, reminds his class of tomorrow's

final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here

tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or

illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and  
asked,

"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and

utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is

restored, Pegasus smiles knowingly at the student, shakes his head,and

sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam...**_with your other  
hand_**."

* * *

Please review


	55. Bakura's Logic

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE: BAKURA'S LOGIC

* * *

Bakura and Ryou were in their English class one day when the teacher called for a student to tell about the difference between American, Japanese, French and British cultures.

Bakura took the time to raise his hand and said he'll volunteer.

"Bakura, please....no monkeyshine today" pleaded Ryou as Bakura nodded and walked his way to the podium. All eyes are in Bakura, waiting for him to begin.

"I will sum up all those cultures in the following outline: The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British and the Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, yet suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans." stated Bakura.

The students were a little confused, as were the teacher and Ryou.

"That's very interesting to know, Bakura, but what's your summarization?" asked the teacher.

Bakura smiled and stated, "We should eat whatever we like. **_It's speaking English that's killing us_**!"

The class erupted in laughter, the teacher was pissed, along with Ryou.

"BAKURA, PRINCIPAL, NOW!" yelled the teacher.

"BAKURA, COUCH, TONIGHT!" yelled Ryou.

* * *

Please R & R!


	56. Family Dysfunction

_Title: The Insanity Is Forever_

_Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh_

_Rating: T_

_Disclaimer: NOT MINE!_

* * *

_CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX: FAMILY DYSFUNCTION_

* * *

_Solomon was in the kitchen preparing pancakes for Yami and Yuugi. Both young men were arguing over who would get the fist pancake._

_Solomon saw this as an opportunity to teach a moral lesson. _

"_If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, 'Let My brother have the first pancake, I can wait'."_

_Yami then turned to Yuugi. "Yuugi?"_

"_Yes, Yami?" Yuugi asked hopefully._

_Yami smiled, "You be Jesus."_

* * *

_Seth was sitting on the front porch enjoying some music on the radio one day when he notice little Mokuba trying to press the doorbell of a house across the street. He was too short and the doorbell was too high to reach. After watching for some time, Seth walked over to where Mokuba was and rung the doorbell for him. _

_Afterwards, he knelt down to his level, smiled kindly and asked, "And now what, Mokie?"_

_Mokuba replied, "Now we run like hell!"_

* * *

_Four expectant fathers (Yami, Bakura, Marik and Shadi) were in the hospital waiting room while their significant others were in labor. A nurse later arrived and announced to Yami, Congratulations, Mr. Atemu. You're the father of twins!"_

_Yami was shocked, "What a coincidence...I work for the Twins baseball team!"_

_Later, the nurse retuned to congratulate Bakura on the birth of his triplets. _

"_Wow...amazing! I work for a 3M corporation! (A/N: How in the hell did that happen?)_

_An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate Shadi on the birth of his quadruplets. _

_Stunned, Shadi could barely reply, "I don't believe it. I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"_

_After this, everyone turned to Marik, who just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. After he slowly regained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should have never taken that job at the 7-elen...I should have never taken that job at the 7-Eleven...I should have never..."_

* * *

_Please R & R!_


	57. These Damned Yamis Are At It Again!

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN: THESE DAMNED YAMIS ARE AT IT AGAIN!

* * *

Bakura and Marik were both arrested for public intoxication when they were caught drinking in the Domino Theater. The arresting officer told them that they were entitled to make a phone call as he could not reach neither Ryou nor Malik.

Sometime later, a man entered the police station and asked for Marik & Bakura by name.

"Are you their attorney?" the desk sergeant asked.

The man replied. "Nope, I'm just here to deliver the pepperoni pizza, cheesesticks, bread sticks and soda they ordered."

* * *

During business class at Domino Collegel, the yamis and Shadi were given the assignment to come up with signs for a businesses.

Much to the class' amusement and to their lovers' horror and embarrassment, here are their finished products:

Yami: "_**Domino Muffler Shop. No appointment necessary...We hear you coming."**_

Bakura: **_"Domino Veterinary Clinic. Will Be Back Soon. Sit! Stay!"_**

Shadi: **_"Domino City Electric: We would be de-light-ed if you would send in your payment for your bill. However, if you don't...you will be de-lighted."_**

Marik: **_"Domino Corral Buffet: Don't stand there and be hungry...come on in and get fed up with us!"_**

Seth: **_"Domino City Funeral Home: Drive carefully. We'll wait."_**

Shimon: **_"Domino Metro Plumbing: We'll repair what your husband fixed."_**

Needless to say...they all got A's.

* * *

Please R & R!


	58. Dueling in Heaven

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT: DUELING IN HEAVEN

* * *

Two old friends, Solomon Muto and Arthur Hawkins, were two of the biggest duel monster fans ever. For their entire adult lives, They discussed the histoey of dueling in the winter and the history behind each duel monster...even the legendary Blue Eyes White Dragon.

They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back to tell the other if there's dueling in Heaven.

One night, Arthur passed away in his sleep after watching the Duel Monsters Tournament of Hokkaido, Japan. A few nights later, his buddy, Solomon, woke up to the sound of Arthur's voice.

"Arthur? Is that really you?" asked an astonished Solomon.

"It's me, Solomon" replied Arthur.

Solomon exclaimed, "So tell me...is there dueling in Heaven?"

Arthur replied, " I have good news and bad news about that. The good news is there is indeed dueling here in Heaven."

"Wonderful, my friend!" exclaimed Solomon. Then he asked, "So what is the bad news then?"

Arthur stated, "Tomorrow night, Solomon...**_it will be your move_**."

* * *

Please R & R!


	59. Government Assistance

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE: GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE

* * *

Bakura robbed a back and was sent to prison. He received a letter from Ryou that said:

**_Dear Bakura:_**

**_There you are in prison smoking cigarettes from the State, eating their food and having a good time. I'm here all alone with no one to plow the fields so I can plant these potatoes!_**

**_Love, Ryou_**

Bakura wrote him back saying:

**_Dear Ryou,_**

**_Don't plow the field. That's where I buried the money._**

**_Love, Bakura_**

Ryou wrote him back three days later:

**_Dear Bakura:_**

**_Someone there must be reading your mail because the Sheriff and his deputies came out and plowed every inch of that field! What should I do now?_**

**_Love, Ryou_**

Bakura Wrote back:

**_Dear Ryou:_**

**_NOW you can plant the potatoes._**

**_Love, Bakura_**

* * *

Please R & R!


	60. Rinnung Out Of Excuses

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTY: RUNNING OUR OF EXCUSES**

* * *

A police officer pulled over Seth for weaving in and out of lanes. The officer walked up to Seth's window.

"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

Seth replied, Sorry, Officer, but I can't do that because I'm asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"OK, then you need to come down to the station to give a blood sample." said the officer.

Seth replied, "I can't do that either, sir. I'm a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Alright, then ef need to get a urine sample" said the officer.

Seth replied, "I can't do that either, sir. I'm a diabetic and if I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Fine, then come over here and walker this white line" said the officer.

"I can't do that" Seth replied.

"And why not?!" said the exasperated officer.

"**_Because I'm drunk_**" replied Seth honestly.

* * *

Please R & R!


	61. Carjacking Foiled

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating: T

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE: CARJACKING FOILED**

* * *

Solomon did his weekly shopping and upon his return found four men in his car. He dropped his grocery bags and drew his revolver.

He yelled, "I knew how to use it and I will if I have to, so get your assess out of the car NOW!"

The four men didn't wait to get a second invitation and got out of the car and ran like mad while Solomon proceeded to load his groceries into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. However, there was a small problem...

_**...the key wouldn't fit into the ignition!**_

His car, identical to the car he first approached was parked four spaces further down. So, he moved his bags int o his won car and drove down to the police station.

The desk sergeant he told his story to nearly died laughing and pointed to the other side of the counter where four very nervous men were reporting a carjacking by an insane, elderly man.

No charges were filed.

* * *

Please R & R!


	62. Family Fun

Title: The Insanity Is Forever

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

Genre: Humor

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO: FAMILY FUN**

* * *

Solomon, who was having serious hearing problems, goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.

The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup.

The doctor says, "Your hearing is perfect. I bet Yami and Yuugi must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which Solomon replies, "Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

* * *

Joey & Mai Wheeler were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose - how to handle that great-uncle George Wheeler, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author assured the family he could handle the story as tactfully as possible and was given the go-ahead to write the book.

The book appeared. It said _**"Great-uncle George Anthony Wheeler occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a great shock."**_

* * *

When Seto kaiba arrived for his little brother's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling him that Mokuba didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty.

"For example, he'll do the wrong page in the workbook and I've even found him sitting in the wrong desk." the teacher explained

"I don't understand that...where could he have gotten that?" Seto replied defensively.

The teacher went on to reassure him that Mokie was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable.

Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mr. Kaiba..._**our appointment was for tomorrow."**_

* * *

Bakura, Jr. went to his dad, who was working in the yard. He asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

Bakura was surprised that he would ask such a question, but decides that if he is old enough to ask the question, (despite Ryou's objections) then he is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell his son all about the "birds and the bees."

When Bakura finished explaining, the little boy was looking at him with his mouth hanging open.

Then Bakurar asked him, "Why did you decide to ask about this now?"

The boy replied, "Mommy Ryou told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

After hearing that, Bakura hung his head. "Oh...shit!"

* * *

Dr. Marik Ishtar (Oh, my Ra!) has a list of Frequently Asked Questions regarding pregnancy. Observe:

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?  
_**A: With any luck, right after he finishes chigh school. **_

Q: How likely is it that my husband will be there to help me as my pregnancy progresses?  
_**A: You can completely trust him to be there at the time of conception.**_

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?  
_**A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.**_

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?  
_**A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.**_

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?  
_**A: Childbirth.**_

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?  
_**A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.**_

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.  
_**A: So what's your question?**_

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?  
_**A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).**_

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?  
_**A: Whatever she says divided by two.**_

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?  
_**A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.**_

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?  
_**A: Right after conception.**_

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?  
_**A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.**_

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?  
_**A: Yes, pregnancy.**_

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?  
_**A: Pregnancy causes everything anything you want to blame it for.**_

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?  
_**A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.**_

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?  
_**A: When you see teeth marks.**_

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?  
_**A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.**_

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?  
_**A: When the kids are in college.**_

* * *

Marik goes off to college with Malik, but about a third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money Ishizu and Shadi gave him.

"Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more money?" Then he gets an idea and calls Shadi.

"Shadi," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" Shadi says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," Marik says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, Shadi sends the dog and the $1000. About two thirds through the semester, the money runs out. Marik calls Shadi again.

"So how's Fido doing, son?" Shadi asks.

"Awesome, Shadi, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ?" says Shadi, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

Shadi sends the money.

At the end of the semester, Marik has a problem. When he gets home, Shadi will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, Shadi is all excited.

"Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

"Yeah, Shadi, about that," Marik says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, '_**So, is Shadi still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Sennen Gate Street?'**_ "

Shadi says, "I hope you SHOT that lying beast!"

"I sure did, Shadi!"

"Well done!"

* * *

"I'm ashamed of the way we live," Ryou said to his lazy life mate who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent and buys all of our food. My uncle buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed."

Bakura rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless grandparents of yours never give us a cent."

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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